Smash High
by Smashingbrosdude
Summary: A collection of stories happening in Smash High, look out for these normal lives of the normal people in Smash High
1. Chapter 1: The first one

It was a normal day at Smash High. Head-Master Sakurai was disciplining Snake for sneaking around during class, as usual. Zelda and Dedede were making out by the vending machines. Jigglypuff and Villager were gossiping. Just your average day. Atleast not for Ridley, that is. He had recently transfered to Smash High and he was very nervous. Ridley walked swiftly through the halls facing the floor to avoid eye contact with the other students. He simply wanted to get to classes on time and not be bothered by whoever might be the school bully. Unfortunately, in his quest to avoid eye contact he didn't see Bowser and DK standing in front of him. They collided in the hallway, making Ridley drop all his books! Ridley was flustered as Bowser and DK stared him down until they heard a voice behind them say

"Hey, leave him alone!"

It was the voice of Ruben! She hissed at the bullies, chasing them down the hall on all fours before returning to Ridley to help him pick his books up.

"Sorry about that. Those two are poopheads, please don't let them ruin your view of this school. We're actually really nice!"

Ridley smiled as he gathered his books up.

"Do you know where Taunt Class is? That's my first period, and I don't know my way around..."

Ridley said. Ruben happily offered to help him find his way, and off they went. Little did they know, they were being followed by some fucking loser... PICHU! Pichu was known as the biggest bully in the school. In Pichu's gang was Bowser, DK, and a sercit dlc character. In class, the teacher, red alloy, was taking roll. Ridley was sitting next to Ness. Red Alloy was asking questions.

"Do you guys know how to up taunt?"  
"Ok"  
"How about down taunt?"  
"ok"  
"Side Taunt?"  
"ok"

But before Mr Alloy could ask another question, some asshole interrupted him, and he and or she and or them and or it was...  
It was Ganondorf! Ganondorf was the Special Ed teacher.

"Hello I would like to speak to Ridley", he asked politely.

Ridley, who hated all of the attention he had just gathered, walked to Mr. Ganon and met him in the hallway.

"Hello, and welcome to Smash High. My job here is to teach students how to use their special moves. Are you familiar with them?", asked Ganondorf.

Ridley replied with, "No... how do I use them?" Ridley asked.

"Meet me in my class after lunch and I'll teach you how to use them". Mr. Ganondorf said as he thought Fucking re re. He's in high school and he can't even do fucking special attacks. Worthless little shits. I'm gonna quit this job one day and blow all my savings in Vegas. Cunts.

After school, Ridley entered the Special Ed classroom to find all the Koopa Kids outside their Clown Cars, drooling on the floor, feebly attempting to build Duplo sets.

"YOU LATE NIGGA" Dorf yelled

"Sorry..." Ridley said, as he looked around the classroom. This didn't feel right. "Er... Sir, I don't think I belong here.."

"yes you do"

Ridley sat down in a space next to Morton as they listened to Ganondorf's instructions.

"Ok you little shits listen here because I don't wanna explain this twice. Hold down the B button and move the control stick in various directions. You will find that you can do different attacks depending on what direction you're facing. Experiment with that. Have fun I'm gonna go drown myself." Ganondorf left the building, and left the sped kids to their own devices.

Ridley, nervous, asked Morton for help. "Um... excuse me, what's a B button?"

Morton turned to face Ridley, and looked him dead in the eyes. He vomited all over Ridley and passed out and is HOPEFULLY FUCKING DEAD. Oh dear.

Ridley woke up the next day to a black line poking him.

"huh what?" Ridley said.  
"YO DAWG I BE MR GAME A WATCH" said Mr Game and Watch, as he said "YO DAWG I BE MR GAME AND WATCH".

"Ok Mr Watch" Ridley said "What time is it?"

"YO IT BE 7:30 AM" Said Mr Game and Watch at 7:30 am.

"OH SHIT I'M LATE FOR SCHOOL" shouted ridley, who was too late for school. But it turns out that he never left school. So Ridley goes to his next class

Ridley never really paid any attention to who was in his first period class. He looked around to see who was around him. There was Mario, Wii fit Trainer, and a girl who he thought looked very familiar. After class he approached her and asked her what she thought of the class. She looked at him wide eyed and sneered. She walked away and Ridley realized who it was. It was his old nemesis Seamus.  
TL;DR, Ness thinks Ridley tryna slam dunk that pussy because he's trying to find Seamus and get to her next class so he can chat with her and bury the hatchet. WFT is fucking blind because she has no pupils. Despite a relationship between her and Ness being implied, her inner monologue reveals she is a hardcore lesbian.

With a raging boner and absolutely no idea where Seamus' class was, Ridley sacrificed his already shitty attendance score to stealthily sneak around campus peering through windows to see which classroom the booty was located. Well, less like sneaking and more like flying around looking like a jackass with his ween out. He flew by Sakria Samurai, the headmaster's office. Sakria saw Ridley and Ridley saw Sakria.

Sakria opened the window. "FUKKA YOU GETTO TO KURASSU DESUKA! YOU ARE RATO!"

So Ridley went back to class, disappointed at his life and going to his second period, which was amiibo training class. However, he bumped into Seamus on the way. She just got out of the bathroom, it took her a while because try to take a piss when you have a fucking 75000000 lbs spacesuit on you (or 850000000000000000000 kg for you Europian scrubs). So she stuffed Ridley into a locker. Well, more like 10 lockers.

After getting himself out of ten fucking lockers, he cried on the ground in the middle of the hallway. Then he heard a voice of encouragement.

"HYUP HYEAAAAH"!

Well it was none other than the hero of legend himself, Lank.

"(sniff) Thanks alot, Lank", managed Ridrey.

"HYAAAA HYEP HYEEAAH," whispered Lank, not trying to interrupt the ongoing classes.

"Do you really think that will help me seduce Seamus?", asked Ridrey.

"HYYYYYYYYYEAAH", Link replied with assurance.

"Alright, here it goes!".

In accordance with Link's advice, Ridley grabbed a sword and rushed outside to the schoolyard, where he immediately began chopping grass vehemently and screaming at the top of his lungs. All the students and teachers looked on at Ridley in amazement, including Seamus who changed into a kawaii schoolgirl uniform because I'm the author and I can make her wear whatever the fuck I want. anyway she looked out the window just like everyone else and thought to herself "Fuck, that's hot. Ridley just doesn't even care." and it was totally indie. Link shed a single tear watching his pupil totally slam dunk all that pussy.

Ridley had gone from a fucking loser to the most popular guy in school. Everywhere he went the next day, the pussy followed.

"This is just like one of my japanase animes!" Ridley exclaimed.

Suddenly, Seamus burst through the school doors and shoved past the bitches surrounding Ridley.

"Ridley you fucking hunk KISS ME RIGHT HERE IN THE SCHOOL I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE US"

"Oh uh gee willigers... Seamus, I would but look at the pussy I'm drowning in right now! You're practically worthless to me now I mean have you SEEN Ruben's tits? I don't need you anymore."

Ridley and his posse walked off to John Class, leaving Seamus devastated and jealous.

Seamus went into the ray gun store to shoot herself, however, pichu stopped her in her tracks, as he had a plan to get back at Ridley and Rueben. So Seamus followed him into a dark alleyway. Later, after Ridley was banging the mii gunner, he decided to go to the gym. he sees little mac, who cis the best athlete in the school, just under sonic, but he can't do the high jump for shit. He sees Ridley and wants to go ahead and high-fives him, but then, he was stabbed by a beam sword knife, by one of pichu's hidden goons...  
Little Macs corpse was taken into the back, where Seamus was waiting. She stole Little Mac's cloths and dressed up like him. Now fully disguised, Seamus approaches Ridley.

"Hey, Ridley, have you seen Seamus's ass. It's so fucking full! Of course I'm to small to hit that amazon of a bitch, but you're the perfect size. Trust me when I say you should hit that," said Seamus convincingly.

"Hm, nah. She didn't like me before I started cutting grass. She doesn't like me for who I am inside. None of these grills do," said Ridley with a feeling of emptiness.

"Well, maybe she just afraid to display her feelings unless she had an excuse to. I'm sure she always liked you," explained Seamus.

"Hm, maybe you're right. Ill give it another go,".

It was a new day at Smash High School, and everyone was excited. Ridley was going to ask Seamus out, Seamus got a new zero suit that made it look like bitch be smuggling two hams down there, Diddy learned how to tie a noose, and Mr. G&amp;W could finally afford to move out of his mom's house. Ridley drew from his newfound confidence and courage and approached Seamus during lunch. He arrived at her table to find her, WFT, Ness, Rosalina, Palutena, Zelda, and Reuben all sitting and eating together.

"Uh.. hi, girls... and Ness... can I t-talk to Seamus alone please?"

all the girls at the table went "Oooooooooooh!" causing Ridley to blush under his fucking crusty-ass exoskeleton. Seamus and Ridley departed together to the track, and began walking.

"Y'know, Mac told me something the other day... he said that dat ass was fat... also you're holding in your true feelings because you're scared. I was scared too but not anymore! I love you Seamus!" Ridley proclaimed, and they embraced intimately and began to kiss.

CHAPTER 1 END 


	2. Chapter 2: The Sequel

"Monday...ugh", thought Peach.

Peach was the smartest student in all of Smash High. If they would let her. She would have graduated already and become one of the most succesful smashers in the game. Sadly, she had to wwait for the end of her Senior year before she could get out. She slowly got out of bed, got some cloths on those fine ass and jugs, ate breakfast, and left for school. She was walking when she noticed that someone was following her. She looked behind her and noticed it was none other than Coconut Head from Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. But more importantly, she saw Mecha coconut head. Peach hurriedly tried to walk to school, not wanting those two faggot loser Mii fighters to catch up with her. They didn't share any classes together, and all the Mii fighters were generally believed to be retarded, sort of on the same level as Bowser's kids, but only because he had underage sex and every single one of his kids got strangled by the umbilical cord at birth, depriving them of oxygen. Peach saw her boyfriend Mario standing at the bus stop and rushed to meet him.  
Peach ran up to Mario to see him looking angry with his arms folded.

"You're late hoe" he said angrily.

"Sorry, sorry! I got stopped by that fucking loser Coconut Head." she replied, gasping for breath.

"Shame on you, belittling the retarded. I expected better of you girl."

Peach sighed. "...Sorry."

"Oh don't be sorry, he's a fucking loser.

The bus arrived. Mayomoto was driving.

"GET IN YORU GOINK TO BE RAITO FORU SCHURU DATTEBAYO" screeched the yellow man.

Peach and Mario got on, and sat there quietly minding their own business. But someone was using a pea shooter, and they started targeting them... It was male villager. He upgraded from a sling shot to a full blown pea shooter. He kept performing forward and back airs on the bus until they got to school. When Peach got to her locker, she noticed that same coconut headed boy staring at her. She had enough and told HeadMaster Mash-Potato Samurai about the stalking to which he replied, "No johnoroos". She was then approached by Coconut's friend Cookie who said Nothing, because he was actually lying on the ground dead (and naked). Peach decided to go back to class. Her first period was Purple Pikmin history. She was sitting next to Rosalina, who wouldn't stop bothering her how lumas are more functional and friendlier to the environment than pikmin are. Peach suddenly got a note with a knot from an anonymous person that said Ignoring Rosalina's incessant environmental psycho bitch babble about Lumas, Peach opened the note which read "YO NIGGA IF YOU LIKE 2 DIMENSIONAL BLACK DICK HMU THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE THIS ISNT MR GAME AND WATCH THO PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME I NEED THIS JOB NEVERMIND PLEASE THROW AWAY THIS NOTE WHY DID I STILL GIVE IT TO YOU -(heart) Mr. G&amp;W"  
Befuddled, Peach disregarded the note. and continued about her day, until lunch where she sat with Mario and his lame fucking brother Luigi and their fat cousin Wario. Peach didn't really like sitting near any of them, but Mario valued family above all else. At lunch, they witnessed Seamus and Ridley making out and Wario said...  
"WAH. Look at them. So happy together. I'm jealous, I should be the one kissing. WAH. Ridley is so hot."

"Maybe you should ask him out." Luigi suggested. "There's always a chance!"

"Nah... WAH! There's no way Ridley snepai would ever notice a baka gaijin like me..." Wario sobbed.

Peach backed him up. "N-nonsense! Go for it! Seamus is a bitch anyway!"

"faggot" said Mario.

Wario walked up to the couple, who were kissing intensively. They stopped smooching as they saw him approach.

Wario froze up. "WAH."

"Can I... help you?" Ridley asked.

Wario went red like a tomato and ran away embarrassed.

"I CANNOT DO IT! WAH! I CAN'T!" he cried as he made a dash for the fire exit.

Everyone was confused and went on with their day. When suddenly...  
they kept sitting at the tables. "Gee what was that about?", asked Ridley to his new bottom bitch. "He must have a crush on you, the poor thing, I feel bad," replied Seamus. "Yeah. I know I cant go out with him but maybe I know a few people who can cheer him up...", plotted Ridley. The next day in school, Wario was walking all by himself through the halls when he heard a familiar tune coming from the auditorium. He walked inside and he couldn't believe his eyes. It was his favorite band, The Jonas Brothers. There was a banner above the stage that said," THIS IS FOR YOU, WARIO"!

But back to Peach, she realizes that prom is coming up and she needed a way to seduce Mario into not going to that shitty party. She started walking out of the school later that day, trying to go to a store selling shit that ruins prom. No dice however. When she walks outside, though, she notices an RV parked right outside, it was Walter White! He decided to help peach ruin prom night Walter White stepped out and offered Peach some meth, which she declined. Jesse then stormed out of the trailer and yelled "BITCH!" firing several shots at Peach, but she countered and her faithful toad shot out hundreds of spores which caused the trailer to explode not only violently, but gratuitously. Unalarmed by the event due to a childhood of witnessing war, famine, murder, greed, and the worst of human nature, she decided to move on. Down the street, she noticed Wario and Andy Toystory hanging out and sharing an ice cream cone.

Wario greeted Peach with a simple smile. "WAH."  
"Hello to you too." Peach said as she walked past them.  
Just before she could go around the corner, Andy Toystory grabbed her by the shoulder.  
"I saw you blow up that RV back there." he said with the most serious look on his face.  
"O-oh... really?" Peach replied, visibly worried about getting in to trouble.  
"Fuckin' impressive dude." he said. He gave a thumbs up and went back to Wario. Peach carried on walking, until she was stopped by Coconut Head.  
"I saw what you did too. Murder is not okay." He raised his fists and struck a righteous stand. Peach gasped.  
"I'm going to murder you to prove that murder is wrong!" Coconut Head yelled.  
Andy Toystory and Wario heard the commotion and went to help Peach, getting into a fighting stances as well beside her.  
Coconut Head threw up his arms in disgust. "Fuck's sake 1v1 faggot! Whatever I can take you guys."  
"i don't have a moveset" said Andy Toystory The three heroes clashed with Coconut Head. It was time to settle things in smash.

Peach and Wario were fast, but Coconut Head was faster. He dash attacked and wavedashed and did all kinds of cool techs. There was no defeating this master smasher. What will our heroes do now?...Meanwhile, as the Jonas brothers were packing up after the concert, they were approached by Reggie, the assistant principle. "We need your help. A student of ours has gone rogue and is beating up other students. His code name is coconut head but his real name is unknown. We will train you as if you were a real smasher. Will you help us?", Reggie pleaded in a dire tone. They were like,"Sure". They underwent strict training going from taunt class to special ed class to smash attack class. Finally, they were as ready as Reggie's body. They approached the fight between Peach, Wario and Coconut head.

The Jonas fighters fought in the fight to end the fights that day. They did the punch move, and then the kickkick and sword schling and gun pewpwew. However, Cocoanut's bowlcut absorbed every attack by them. He was the ultimate smasher, top of the tier list, and banned in many tournaments. The fight however, was interrupted by Lady Cake Farts. zzzzzzzzzshe used her down special to fart out many cakes at the fighters.

Wario glanced out over the slain bodies, laying bloodied and beaten, innocent bystanders FUCKING REKT, shops destroyed, all by a simple cakefart. However, he had been stewing up something mean in his asshole for the past 16 years of his life. He rode his sweet ass motorcycle into the fray and shorthopped over Lady Cake Farts, then releasing his down special asshole blast, killing LCF in one fell swoop. That day, they didn't even call it a comeback. They called it absolute destruction. All the bitches including WFT, Zelda, Palutena, Seamus, Lucina, Reuben, and Rosalina absolutely wanted Wario's dick, but he had fulfilled his duty that day, and boarded his motorcycle to ride off into the setting sun, wailing "WAAAAH, WAAAAAH WAAAAARIOOOOOO" as he rode. All the females bit their lower lips in lust, but they knew they couldn't have him. Nobody could. 


	3. Chapter 3: The HD Collection

"Bitch, keep up!", yelled Palutena to her slave bitch, Pit. "Please! Let my family go-", Palutena hit him over the head with a stun rod. "I mean, yes, Lady Palutena...(whispers) I wanna die," said Pit. With that Palutena continued on her walk to her first period class, which is wavedash class, but it was before wavedash class got canceled in 2015. Mario was there, passing flyers out for Peach's funeral, however Palutena didn't give a shit because Peach actually stole a stock from Mario. So she goes into class and sat down to learn about an abandoned technique. Fox was teaching the class.

"WELCOME TO WAVE DASH CLASS 101. ANY QUESTIONS"

Palutena raised her hand.

"YES" said Fox.

"Like, what the fuck is a wavedash?" she asked.

Fox swiveled around and punched the wall.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS IT'S A CLASSIC TECHNIQUE?" he ranted, foaming at the mouth. "BACK IN MY DAY WE MASTERED THIS SHIT AND YOU'RE GOING TO MASTER IT TOO"

Lucina stood up. "wavedashing is a dead technique old man! get with the times" she yelled. The class laughed.

Fox screamed and chased Lucina out the class. Palutena took this as a hint that class was dismissed. She left for her second period, which was Edgeplay. The teacher, Marth, was absentmindedly drawing a diagram on the board about edgeguarding opponents using lots of dumb shit Palutena didn't care about, so she was zoned out watching her bitch Pit quiver in fear of another beating from her. Dark Pit, the top student in the class, was also zoned out, and he locked eyes with Pit from across the classroom before resuming talking to his bitches Rosalina and Lucina.

Pit thought to himself "Man, I wish I was that fucking edgy. Everyone would think I was so great."

That same night, Pit slit his wrists, dyed his hair black, and decided to stop controlling his arrows. The next day at school, when Palutena saw what Pit had done, she said ," In the name of fake Greek gods and goddesses I give you the new name of Dark Dark Pit, because you are so edgy it's unreal fo real. You are still a slave bitch though, now go make me hot pockets". "Ugh fine," replied Pit. Pit was tired of this treatment. Now that he was edgy he felt like he was meant for more. He was going to start a revolution...no...an UPRISING!?$$$? Pit decided to take his edginess further, he started panting his face black. The next day, he tried to start an uprising in the school. Pichu, Bowser, DK, Game and Watch, and the corpse of little mac's corpse supported him.

Sakcurry noticed it and was like "YUUUUU BACKARU TOTO CLASSARUS"

but Pit was like "no", he did it. he became the edgiest thing alive.

Everyone gasped. Nobody had ever, EVER, disobeyed Sack Curry before. Pit looked around at the shocked faces of his peers, looking proud. But he soon realized he was definitely screwed.  
Sakura-sensei rushed towards Pit, his fists glowing with the power of a japanese man.  
Pit ran for his life, his edginess levels rapidly depleting. His bowels were also depleting. He ran by many classmates, all whispering in amazement at how Sackyroy was finally using his powers after so many centuries.  
Samurai caught up to Pit and grabbed him by the edge.  
Sakria looked him dead in the eyes with his closed chinese eyes.

"Havu you everu made a gamo?!" he asked.

"N-no...?" said Pit.

"You are a fooru to thinku you could beat me. I made disu gamo and I am the tippu toppinest tier, desu! NO CHARACTO CAN OVERPOWER ME!" he screamed.

"I CAN!" shouted someone from behind. It was none other than...

The mighty Mewtwo! Mewtwo charged up an intense f-smash which unfortunately whiffed and Sangria fell on his ass trying to roll away from it. Mewtwo followed up with teleport mindgames but Sakubi dug his fingers into Mewtwo's skull and ripped off his head violently for all to see. However, under Mewtwo's head, there was only another head. It was the head of mew2king, Palutena's one true love from many years back. M2K and Palutena grew up together and had been in love for many years but M2K started balding so Palutena just got the fuck outta there. As he lay in Sooki's grip, he said...

"My only regret is that I couldn't train an amiibo to carry on my legacy".

Then Sakboy ripped open M2K's face with his mind. He felt no pain, only the finishing relief of an orgasm, for sakurems killing blow was that of a sex gods. M2K was released like a pokemon from a PC, and he was gone. Now everyone was silent. Not a smash, special, nor taunt was made. All was well. Until Olimar popped up. He had hundreds of pikmin and started piling up on zekrua, dark chocolate pit, dark pit, and mewtwo's corpse, they formed a bubble in the school, taking them hostage. They swallowed waluigi whole and spat out his skeleton. The same would happen to the hostages if nothing will be stopped. Only one person can save them, and it is Palutena.

Palutena bravely stepped up to fight. Olimar had gone mad with power because he's like that. The EBS started blaring in the school. Now that Sakria Samurai was taken hostage, shit was fucked.

"This is an emergency broadcast message from Reggie Fils-Aime. The school is under attack. Please evacuate and find shelter."

Palutena should have ran to shelter like everyone else. But she didn't. Her bitch was held hostage, and that was unacceptable. The EBS continued as Olimar released his Purple Pikmin.

"The Purple Pikmin is now loose. Find shelter immediately." The EBS was silent before it started up again with more static. "Y'know, I feel just like a PURPLE PIKMIN. I CAN CARRY TEN TIMES MY OWN WE-*bzzt*"

The EBS died. The pikmin had captured Reggie. Palutena raised her staff to fight Olimar and the Purple Pikmin.

"You're not taking this school trash bastard"

With a quick succession of 5 billion auto reticles, Palutena quickly defeated Olimar and his army of Pikmin, but there was one remaining: purple fucking Pikmin. He climbed atop Palutena's exhausted body as she gasped to Pit:

"Is it over?"

however, Pit was too weak to answer before the purple pikmin could say "WHORE YOU'RE GONNA SUCK MY COCK" In an utter act of gallantry, Pit slammed the purple pikmin with an upperdash arm, utterly destroying him.

"Lady Palutena!" Pit queefed.

"Pit... you came back for me!" she uttered.

Before they embraced, Palutena gave Pit a hearty bitch slap to put him back in his place.

"Go make me a fucking hot pocket."

ROLL CREDITS 


	4. Chapter 4: Marth's sircet

It was just like every other day in Smash high. It was 4th period for Marth, and the class was at the computer lab. Pikachu got suspended for breaking a few laptops, Snake was typing to his penpal Raiden from Playstation Allstars high, and female villager just got caught pocketing every single mousepad. However, Marth wasn't feeling ok, and it was because everyone found his blog yesterday, and saw all his personal junk. Now everyone knew he had a crush on Roy. Roy Koopa of course, not that red haired faggot. He got picked on all throughout the morning, and he just didn't want to be a class with his crush as he knew it would be the perfect opportunity for his reputation with the class to go straight out the window. He used to think he was pretty cool, but now he was pretty fool.  
He sat down next to Roy Koopa, who was only in computer class because he can't learn normally.

"Hey R-Roy..." he said nervously. "Sorry about yesterday... it was embarrassing for both of us. Can we forget about it?"

"derr" said Roy, nodding his head.

"Cool, cool..." Marth replied, getting on with his work. People were looking at him. Nobody else was going to forget.

Marth was just getting over his horrible day at school when he noticed some one running up behind him. It was Roy, not Roy Koopa, but that ditsy, red-haired faggot.

"HEY MARTH I HEARD YOU HAD A CRUSH ON ME WANNA BANG", Roy the Fag yelled.

"Uh no thank you. It was actually Roy Koopa...", Marth replied.

Roy began to cry and started cursing off at Marth. Roy went home, wrote his suicide note, then continued to over charge his neutral b until it killed him. Nobody attended Roy's funeral. Nobody fucking liked him. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. Anyway, the next day at school Marth decided to check in on Roy Koopa, whom he discovered on the carpet of the Sp Ed class, taking great joy in trying to put his own dick in his mouth (to no avail, obviously). It seemed all the Koopas were in a similar predicament, drooling and derping as a result of their intense mental disability. All of them except for Ludwig, who was sitting in the corner of the room reading a large novel titled "Crime and Punishment" with his bifocals on. As Marth entered the room, Ludwig intelligently proclaimed:

"The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one."

Marth responded with "wow, that's great lil guy, hope you get that baseball!" and ignored Ludwig.

He sent a note to Roy to meet him at the pool. As soon as Marth left, Roy ate the note. At the pool, Marth was testing out new bathing suits, he looks into the water and sees some weird blue spiny thing at the bottom. Oh well, while Marth waits for Roy, he was checking himself out in the mirror, but the noises coming from the pool were too distracting for him to ignore. He went to investigate. It was... it was Sonic! He wasn't sure whether to save him or not. He was that annoying kid in the class who thought he was cool but really he was just a fool. Nothing like Marth. Although, saving someone would probably turn Roy on, so he dived in and pulled Sonic to safety. Marth looked at the entrance hoping to see Roy come through, while Sonic caught his breath. Sonic slapped Marth right in his big gay face.

"WOAAAAA ASSHOLE WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Sonic said radically.

"I... I just saved you!" Marth replied, shocked at his rudeness.

"WOAAAA BUDDY I WAS TRYING TO DROWN MYSELF! DON'T DO DRUGS"

Marth looked concerned. "What? Why were you trying to drown yourself, man?"

"AW IT'S NOTHIN JUST BEING HARASSED BY MY GIRLFRIEND AMY. SHE'S CRAY CRAY FOR ME Y'KNOW WOAAA YEAH" Sonic replied.

Marth got very mad. "When someone loves you, don't run away from them! IT'S DESTINY FOR YOU TO BE TOGETHER JUST LIKE ME AND ROY BUT He hasn't noticed me yet..."

Sonic kek'd. "HEY BRO THIS ISN'T ABOUT ROY KEEP YOUR GAY THOUGHTS AWAY FROM ME." he said.

Marth got even angrier and shoved Sonic back into the pool, walking off to find Roy.

"FAGGOT" Sonic glubbed, not making any attempt to get out of the pool.

On his way out, Marth bumped into Mega Man.

"Hey Mega Man. How is it goin'?", asked Merfy.

Mega Man didn't say anything cause he is a fuckin robot.

"Oh yeah whoops," Marth said.

Marth began to walk away when Mega Man suddenly pick Marth's gay ass up with one arm and threw him in his big white van and raped him. It was the most fun Marth had ever had.

After Mega Man had left, Roy came.

"O- oh hi there, Roy!", said Marth.

Roy made some weird ass bubbling noise because he's like fucking 7 or some shit and 7 year olds can't speak.

"N- no, I didn't just have sex with Mega Man!" replied Marth.

Then Roy shoved him on the ground and got him naked. Oh my god, Marth's dick was literally covered in fucking warts. Roy made even more bubbling noises, but more aggressively than previously, almost sounding mad.

"N- no, I didn't know I- I had these, R- R- Roy!" shouted Marth.

"BOIDLKGKLFDMOGKLSF" replied Roy, who put Marth in his Koopa Clown Car to drive him to the school nurse to get him checked out.

As Roy sped through the halls of Smash High in his Koopa Clown Car with Marth by his side, the wind blew through Marth's hair and Roy's disgusting fucking bald turtle head. They were going as fast as the clown car could carry them, feeling free. But on the inside, Marth felt violated and kidnapped. He didn't understand that Roy was just trying to help him. The duo zoomed by the Special Ed class, where Ludwig spotted them through the open door (much to his dismay). Ludwig departed his reading chair and hopped hastily into his clown car, taking pursuit after them. Ludwig quickly closed the distance between himself and the kidnapping in progress.

"MARTH, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU PARTAKING IN? ROY IS SEVERELY UNSTABLE YOU MUSN'T PERTURB HIM! YOU COULD BOTH BE IN GRAVE DANGER!" Ludwig shouted over the vicious roar of koopa clown engines.

"GRRRDURJEEEEEEFHG;WHGIFB" Roy howled in response.

In an amazing feat of acrobatic ability, Ludwig leaped from his car and smashed Roy's head wide open with one fell swoop of his hammer, causing both the clown cars to crash in the hallway. 7 died in the following explosions, and Roy's skull, blood, and brains painted the sides of the halls disturbingly.

Marth said "NO WAIFU!"

The 7 caught up in the tragedy are Roy, the other Roy (who ended up not committing suicide but dying now), Amy, the ice climbers (just popo, not nana), and the three classes of miis. It was horrible. Millions were dead. Marth sees he's right next to alt color class, with both villagers, both robins, alf, biker wario, and male wft inside, so he tries to get attention to the people inside, by pulling the fire alarm.

But it turns out that the fire alarm was actually the Taco Tuesday alarm, sending everyone in a rampage towards the cafeteria, trampling Marth in the process. He was gravely injured, but would survive. He would be paralyzed for the rest for his life unless he got a surgery that turned him into a terminator robo cop. After Marth was given the surgery, he set out to get revengence on those who did this. Marth stomped through the hallways, looking around with his laser eyes. His big gay face was severely beaten to a pulp in the taco tuesday trample of tuesday and now only half of his face was gay as he had a robot half. The hall monitor, Lucario, stopped him in his tracks.

"excuse me you need a hall pass to get through this hall" said Lucario.

Marth handed him a crazy orders pass. Lucario looked at it, and then at Marth.

"this isn't a hall pass you fucking blind" said Lucario.

Marth glared at Lucario and then zapped him into oblivion. Lucario was reduced to ash, and ass. Because all that was left was his butthole. Marth continued marching through the school, searching for Ludwig. That little retard had killed his one true love. He can't let that slide. He had already dedicated twelve blogs to Roy! His love was too strong. While wandering the halls aimlessly, he met ROB. ROB was not participating in the taco tuesday because he didn't like tacos. Also he didn't have a mouth. Marth thought maybe ROB knew where Ludwig was. He tapped ROB on the shoulder. ROB blankly gazed at Marth, who responded with an equally cold robotic stare.

"I'm searching for a faggot. Have you seen him in these halls?" Marth said as he held up a picture of Ludwig.

ROB said nothing.

"Hey, I'm fucking talking to you, shitstain! Have! You! Seen! This! Faggot!" Marth barked.

ROB stood in somber silence as Marth violently yelled at him. ROB finally responded with: "I am the last of my kind. I exist to preserve my life."

Following this, ROB flew away, and Marth continued trekking through the halls of Smash High until he encountered Ness and WFT standing in the hallway.

"ATTENTION FAGGOTS, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FAGGOT ON THE PREMISES?" Marth hollered.

Offended, Ness replied "Fuck off man, I'm tryna slam dunk some white pussy here!"

WFT finally unleashed her inner monologue and said "Shut the fuck up Ness. I don't know if you realize it but I'm a lesbian and I only hang out with you because nobody else will. You're pitifully short and you sound like a 4 year old, and you're always talking about faggot psychic powers. Oh and Marth, Ludwig is on the roof of the school."

Marth got help from Knuckle's jump exploit to reach the top of the school. It suddenly became raining, and ominous latin chanting music started playinh. thurder stroke. It was time to settle it in Smash. Ludwig wasn't alone, as he hotwired Mecha Cocoanut Head to do his bidding. The battle started with Mecha Coconut Head rapidly punching at Marth, trying to break him. The gay meaty half of Marth's face smirked as he dodged all of the punches and dropkicked Mecha Coconut Head. It didn't do much though because Mecha Coconut Head was more shredded than paper that had just been put in a paper shredder. Marth decided to ignore Mecha Coconut Head, and tried to attack Ludwig. But it was no use. Mecha Coconut Head was able to block everything. Mecha Coconut Head spat in his face and Marth began crying. But then he remembered he had a secret technique...

The Mega Ultra Cum Rocket SUPREME, which is like a cum rocket, but mega, ultra, and also supreme. Marth pulled down his pants and started to milk that thing like a cow's utter udder. Mecha C. was over whelmed by the sheer amount of baby juice and was blown back, breaking his arms off in the process. It was all over for Mecha C. at this point. His body slowly sank into a pool of jizz and the fight was an ending. Marth then turned his attention back to Ludwig. Ludwig also had a surprise which was his pocket sized nuclear fusion based raygun which he had been developing in secret using resources cultivated from his own centrifuges and the uranium mining he had invested in overseas. Ludwig scanned his retina into the device allowing him full control of the glorious power of the atom. With this power, Ludwig was the king of matter and energy. He was now nothing less than a god.

In less than millisecond, a beam of pure nuclear energy less than the width of a hair sliced through Marth's brain, dick, and heart. However, even a god, merciless or benign as they be, must take responsibility for their actions. Ludwig looked at the weapon in his hands, dirtied with sin, Marth's body, slain indignantly, and thought of his own brother Roy's brains splattered about the halls of Smash High.

Marth looked up to Ludwig, who said "I was the one who ruined your amiibo" before slowly (and painfully) dying.

Ludwing was about to get away scott-free before Sakurrrrrah saw him.

He took away Ludwig's ray gun and saying "WHYARU AREARU YOUARU PLAYINGARU WITHARU THISARU DANGEROUSARU ITEMARU"

Reggie, behind him said "Yeah, you could get hurt with this thing!"

And Ludwig's plan was foiled again. Ludwig looks into the camera one more time, and says: Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. 


	5. Chapter 5: Piness

It was a beautiful Saturday at Smash Bros high, Ness was recently friendzoned by WFT, who basically told him "Fuck you I sex with women" and walked away. Ness is coping with extreme depression in the hallway, and then Lucina came around the corner and spotted him. Oh my! Ness has a friend to comfort him at last! Lucina approached Ness, who looked up at her in tears. Lucina pointed and laughed and then kicked him in the stomach. Ness threw up his lunch and started crying. King Dedede saw this and got angry, so he started an anti-bullying campaign. This is unrelated to Ness' story, so let's just ignore this. After Lucina left, Ness got up and decided to walk home so he could shower and get things off his mind. After being rejected he wanted to prove that he could have a lover, he approached Palutena and boldly said

"Hey, you should ditch that lil punk ass nigga Pit and get with a real stupid immature pre-teen like ME, baby."

Palutena and everyone else in the hall were shocked by Ness' sudden bravery. Palutena stood silently in amazement for several seconds before looking at Pit, then back to the confident smirk of Ness. She leaned down to Ness' ear to whisper:

"I would, but I can't. He's severely mentally disabled and his parents pay me to look after him during school."

Ness shook his head understandingly. "Ayy, I gotchu baby. Hit me up after class and we'll talk."

So that day, after class, Ness and Palutena formed a pentagon to summon lord Nintendog to attack the school. They used Dank Hunt Dog as a sacrifice. His blood spilled across the pentagon, having it form a hexagon! Then, a portal popped up, and lord Nintendog popped up. And roured a "bark" at Ness and Palutena. But then jumped back in because fuck this subplot. Nexx and Palutena instead went to an ice cream shop where Ness orders a coffee ice cream to Palutena. Palutena, blushing, seductively licks the ice cream before having spasms and falling onto the floor. Ambulances rushed by and the ambulances themselves took Pallytena to the Hospital. She had a severe case of brain freeze. Ness, sweating in the waiting room, walks into Palutena's room. Palutena was DEAD.

Probably. Ness was at least 20% sure she was dead. Dr. Mario was there, and informed him calmly that she was merely in a coma.

"How can I trust you? You bullied me!" Ness shouted.

"shut up you'll wake palutena" replied Doc. "and i'm not mario that's my brother. we are different. look at my smash attacks." Doc said as he showed off his smash attacks.

"Ah ok that makes sense." Ness understood. "So when will Palutena be ok?"

"I dunno I'm not a real doctor." Doc shrugged as he threw off his coat and walked out of the room. "I don't even have a PhD!"

Ness sat down next to Palutena and waited. Finally, Ness gave up on Palutena waking up. He eventually decided to lift up her skirt and jack off, cumming all over his legs with his 4 inch, 13 year old cock. Then he left the hospital to go get Lucas to help with his bullying problems. He knew Lucas was cool, and much stronger than Ness was. He knocked on Lucas's door. Lucas was skipping school that day, because he's way too fucking cool for that loser shit.

His dad answered. "Hello?", said Flint. "What is it?"

Ness replied with "Fuck you."

"Don't take that tone with me you fucking punk bitch! YOU GOT REJECTED BY A GIRL BECAUSE SHE WAS A FUCKING LESBIAN" Flint yelled back at his punk bitch son, Ness.

"FUCK YOU DAD HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!" Ness exclaimed in frustration.

Flint pulled out his phone to show a group text between him and all the waifus at Smash High.

"I'm slammin' that pussy right now unlike you, nerd!" Flint exclaimed and slammed the door.

So Ness walks off again. Here he goes again on his own, going down the only road he ever known, like a thrifter he was born to walk alone. However, Lucas was in his swaghouse on his swagwood tree. Ness climbs up the ladder to the house Lucas was like "s'up" and smoked a heavy swag420yolo joint. He was like "ey you want to be popular right?" Ness was like "o-oOKAY"

Lucas gave Ness a makeover~~~~! Now Ness looked EXACTLY like LUCAS! Lucas looked proud of his work.

"Your image at school is as good as shit right now so this is the best I can do." Lucas said.

"P-pretend to be you?" Ness questioned?

"Pretend to be me! I don't go to school anyway. Too cool not because I got rejected or anything."

"Hokay." Ness said. He left the swaghousetreehouse and went to school a new man! He was not Ness anymore. He was Lucas! He went to school the very same day, and even though it's past school hours by now everyone was still there. He walked through the halls confidently.

Then Palutena jumped out and shouted "HEY LUCAS GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK SMD WHORE"

Ness then freaked out, unsure of what to say "U- um...", Ness started, but then Palutena cut him off.

"ARE YOU GONNA SUCK MY DICK OR WHAT" and then Ness quickly replied, without thinking.

"OKAY!"

Damn that down taunt. Palutena then pulled him into the janitor's closet and slipped out her 8 inch dodongo and shoved it in Ness's mouth. Ness choken. But then, the school janitor, Greninja came in, and shouted "GRENGRGRENINGREGRNINGREJAJAGRE" and Palutena shoved her dick in his mouth instead. Ness took this as an opportunity to run away, so he ran away from the scene and made his way to stop at one of the lockers. Ness panted until he got the breathe to start walking again, it was then Palutena teleported right in front of him.

"C'MON NESS LET'S DO IT SOME MORE"

Palutena grabbed Ness but then escaped her grasps and said "N-NO PLEASE I DON'T WANT ANYMORE!"

Palutena wouldn't let this slide and tried to grab Ness again but Ness slid under her getting that pantsu shot and ran away screaming. Palutena was catching up to Ness and Ness didn't know where to go until he saw two corridors so he used PK Flash and Palutena cried uncontrollably, while Palutena wasn't paying attention and was making a puddle of tears he ran into the right corridor into the pool, Palyootina opened the door behind him. Ness jumped on the lifeless carcass of Sonic the hedgehog still floating in the pool from last chapter and started surfing across the pool. Palutena surfed behind him, using pit as a pool floaty. Ness jumped off, but there was no way out, Palutena put Ness in a corner. Ness was really cornered right now thanks to Palutena putting him in the corner. He was backed into a corner quite a bit!

Palutena said "COME ON NESS LET'S GET GROOVY" Palutena said in all caps.

Ness screamed and whipped out the home run bat in defense. "I DON'T WANT TO GET GROOVY LEAVE ME ALONE"

Suddenly, Scourge the Hedgehog showed up and attacked Palutena with a moveset exactly the same as Sonic's!

"I'm the cool new Sonic! And if you try to touch someone in a place or in a way that makes someone feel uncomfortable, well, that's NO GOOD!" Scourge said, taunting Palutena.

Palutena got VERY MAD AND ATTACKED SCOURGE BUT SCOURGE BLOCKED IT BECAUSE HE IS LIKE SONIC BUT BETTER AND PALUTENA GOT CUT BY THE EDGE. Ness couldn't make out what was going on but he used this distraction as an opportunity to jack off onto Palutena's legs again.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE?" shotued Palutena.

Palutena then bashed Ness's skull with both her 8 foot staff and 8 inch cock. This knocked Ness unconcious. Palutena threw Ness's body into the pool. Ness woke up 8 hours later.

"Man, I have Lucas's looks, but now she knows I'm not Lucas... he has an 8 inch cock, but mine is only 4... damn, I hate being 13... why can't I go through puberty, too, like Lucas?"

Ness then went on and checked out some of their "Grow your dick! 8 inches in 8 weeks!" ads, and tried all of them. None of them worked. A whole $800 wasted. He then went to visit Lucas about his dick problems. On his way to Lucas's house he past the butchery of Onett. He got a BLOODY good idea. He went behind the counter and dropped them panties. He grabbed a butcher knife and a sausage from behind the counter and chopped off his dick and plugged the hole with the bangin 10 inch weenie. Now he was the biggest 13 y/o in Onett. His penis envy was over. The next day, Ness got a serious illness. He went to the doctor's office. Dr Mario goes a head and erects him a dickload of news.

"You have nodickilious" Dr Mario splooged. "If you don't receive your penis in 72 hours and have me surgically unremove it, you'll die from lack of dick, it's your most important organ."

Ness got worried, should he die big, or live to deal with his teeny weenie for the rest of his life? Besides, his penis is somewhere in the garbage right now. What should he do?

Ness figured he had plenty of time to find his dick, and went to school the next day (Sunday because Smash High never sleeps). He intentionally forgot his pants to show off his new sausage, at least 20% sure he'd get all the ladies this way. SPOILER: He didn't. Everyone told him to go to the doctor and he ran off crying. His sausage fell out and he was no-penis ness once again!  
He frantically searched the trash of the town for his dick, to no avail. Was this the end? Also he had 24 hours left because who fucking cares it's Tuesday.

Ness was at school because fuck time, right? He had roughly 8 hours to get a new dick and have it attached. He was thinking desprately, where could he get a new dick? Maybe he could get one big enough? But then, he knew. He slipped a knife in his pocket and went outside of taunt class. He waited. He knew who was in the class, and he'd have their dick.

"Hey! You there! Wait a sec!"

The person stopped and waited a second. It was Palutena. "WHAT IS IT, FUCK BOY?", she shouted in all caps. It was Palutena.

"W- want your dick sucked?", Ness asked.

"SURE" said Palutena, still in all caps.

They went into the bathroom and Palutena whipped out her dong. Then Ness cut it off. "now im going to die of nodickilus look what you have done" said Palutena, not in all caps this time.

"Here, have this" said Ness. Ness handed Palutena a new dick. 4 inches. It was Ness's old one.

Then Ness went to Dr. Mario with his new, 8 inch dick in hand

The doctor said "I'm sorry, but your young body is simply incompatible with a penis of the god. What happened to your old penis?".

"Uh..my uhh... my dog ate it", Ness lied.

"Thats a fucking lie, Ness," Dr. Mario said," cause I just killed your dog and ripped it open last night, and there wasnt a dick in that bitch".

Ness, now learning that his dog was dead (not alive) cried on the floor as his disease caught up with him. Ness was dead. As he ascended to Earthbound heaven he was blocked by a mysterious shadowy figure.

It was Doctor Mario, who slowly said yeah "I'll just send your mom the paycheck" before Ness closed his eyes for the last time.

At the same time, Dr Mario forgot to check up on billions of his patients, who promptly died. Back at the school. Palutena gets her dick back and meets up with Lucas.

"ok bitch here's your slut whore money".

Lucas responded with "Yeah we finally killed him, now to sell this rare penis on ebay". They promptly sold the penis to amazon for $50. The End. 


	6. Chapter 6: 10 years l8r

It was Sunday over at Smash High. Dark Pit just came from his house, Hot Topicwhere he and Lucas were fucking. Lucas had just received the news of his bitch friend Ness' death and was invited to the funeral. As Dark Pit was walking through the halls of Smash High on a sunday evening for some reason, he received a call from Lucas, who was calmly saying: "Yeah, Ness is fucking dead. Y'wanna go to the funeral or not?"

And they did. Then the chapter suddenly switched to the perspective of Little Mac. Little Mac was already dead, so he was in the afterlife, but thanks to some questionable things he did he get sent to the worse hell possible: Super Smash High Brawl

Little Mac awoke in the Boy's restroom where he was sleeping on the toilet in the stall while Luigi was knocking on the stall saying "It's been 2 hours fuckhead what are you doing sleeping?" Little Mac KO punched the door stall and Luigi got sent flying to the Girls restroom where Wario screamed and beat the shit out of Luigi

Wario felt really bad for beating up such a poor baka gaijin, so he put Luigi's limp and bleeding body on the back of his bike and rode straight to the hospital. After waiting for about 18 hours in the hospital waiting room, Dr. Mario was examining him, and decided to give him a few vaccines, but ended up accidentally giving him even worse autism.

So Little Mac wondered across the room, eventually walked right into shamus.

"The hell 'appened to me?" Little Mac said as he points to the stab wound in his man boob with his boxing gloves on.

"Oh, one of Pichu's hidden goons stabbed you while I put on your clothes and you went in a coma for 10 years" Shamus said "btw you should really wash your clothes" She said as she walked away.

Little Mac looked at the clock and found out it really WAS 10 years that has been passed. So Mac tried to gather his thoughts and decided to go to his best friend's house, Doc Louis

Little Mac walked into Doc Louis's house and saw him sitting on the couch watching some shitty childs cartoon. Little Mac walked into the room and saw pictures, trophies, and regenerated chocolate bar paper all over the floor than he looked at Doc Louis his old mentor and said "Holy shit dude your FAT!" Doc Louis got so fat and depressed about Little Mac's absense that all he could do was cry, eat regenerated chocolate bars, and watch TV. Doc Louis said to Little Mac "You've been gone for so long Mac...Sandman won the title and has been winning ever since and I've been sitting here eating and eating and eating." Doc Louis takes another bit of the regenerated chocolate bar.

"The hell? Doc Louis you need to get your fucking life together! We're cleaning this shit up right now, come on. Off your ass, pal." Mac extended a gloved hand to Doc's fat black ass on the couch, helping him up easily. The duo began picking up the wrappers off the floor and throwing them into the refuse bin. As they diligently cleaned, Mac inquired: "So what else has changed in the past 10 years? Anything crazy?"

"Well mac, ever since you left dawg, the people over at Xbox Nocrossover High kept doing horrible things" D Louis farted. "Every day, Master Chief with his stickey eggs, Minecraft steve changing our sheep colors, Banjo Kazooie killing every single pikmin one at a time! This made us loose every single sport some how. We also lost our school average from B to XL, Mac baby" "Wow, I never thought it'd be that bad..." Mac said. "Well, we cleaned you up in 24 hours, time to clean up the school!"

Mac knew just how to fix it. He went to Mario's house to see his old buddy. He wondered how much his old buddy was doing. Mac side-B'd through the door instead of knocking cause fuck. When he saw Mario he was astonished. Mario had gotten reverse plastic surgery, a new medical procedure 10 years from now, on his face. He had molded pieces of plastic surgically attached all over his face in the shape of different body parts. Little barbie arms and legs dangled off of his face. He also had no nose.

"Uh Mario can i borrow your Fludd?"

Mario slowly turned his head to Little Mac and Little Mac almost wanted to puke and Doc Louis just puked rainbows right on Little Mac's shorts and Little Mac whined "What the fuck? My shorts!? Now I need a new pair." Mario got up and walked towards Little Mac and grabbed him by his shirt and glared into his eyes "Do I LoOk OKaay 2 YOU!? AND are'NT YoU suPPoseD t0 Be DEAD!?" Mario violently hazed as his breathe smelled like Lucina's Vag. "Ewww Mario get the barbie limbs outta my face please it's creepy." Mac said as Mario let go of him and Mario panted uncontrollably "LUIGI DITCHED ME MAN...I GOT REVERSE PLASTIC SURGERY...YOU WEREN'T THERE TO PROTECT ME FROM THE BULLIES...MY LIFE IS A MESS WITH THESE FUCKING BARBIE LIMBS...I CAN'T EVEN SMELL!" Little Mac then said "Uhhh...I'm...sorry...for your..loss? But can I borrow your F.L.U.D.D.?" Mario looked at Little Mac and said "You'll have to ask Sonic...he knows what he did to Fludd..." Mario sat back down on his chair and cried. Little Mac went upstairs to put on one of Mario's overall's since his shirt and shorts were rainbow infected.

Little Mac and Doc Louis headed to the pool after asking the other students for his location (who, by the way, didn't ask why he was still alive and didn't really give a shit). McDonalds looked around, but saw no sight of the famous blue blur!

"Wow, he's not even here! Buncha fucking liars." Mac said, displeased.

Doc Louis actually bothered to examine the location for more than 2 seconds to notice a skeleton with fancy-ass shoes in the pool. "Yo, Mac! Think this might be him?"

Mac walked over to the pool, taking a long look at the skeleton.

"Gee, you might be right. But... where's F.L.U.D.D.?"

"Probably with some other faggot in the school. You wanna look?" Doc Louis pooted, his hands on his hips.

"Yeah okay. What do we do about blue balls here?"

"Who fucking cares"

And so they left, looking for the asshole that took F.L.U.D.D.

"We can't just stroll in there, they think I've been dead for 10 whole fucking years dude! Imagine what they might do if they think they're getting spooked." Doc Louis sat down on the ground along with Mac and the duo began to contemplate their options deeply. "I've got it!" shouted Doc excitedly. Doc unzipped his trademark red jacket, revealing a multitude of chubby black fat rolls, gently peeling two of the flaps apart with his hands. "Climb in, buddy!"

"In there... are you sure?" Mac responded hesitantly.

"Yeah dude it'll be awesome." Doc said.

And with that, Mac climbed into the abyss of Doc's fat. Doc zipped his jacket back up and began walking towards the school discreetly.

So Doc Louis walked around the campus. Some of the students were questioning the bulging Little Mac, in which Doc Louis replied "Oh, it's a painful ass cancer... doctor says I have 60 seconds to live". He kept asking around until he reached Dedede, who also had a bulging little mac and said to him "I'm so sorry, it happens to the best of us" before promptly dying. Tattooed to the back of Dedede's back, however, was a note saying that the people at Microsoft Nocrossover High stole fludd and hid him in the center of the basement of the school...

Doc Loose trudged back to his car and got in his car, because thats how he can get there fast (in his car). Walking would have taken too long so he drove, in his car, to go faster than walking. If he were Sonic he could run there fast, but he wasnt so he couldnt so he had to take his car (to get to the school. When Doc Shoes got to the highschool he got a shovel and dug to the basement. When he got into the basement he needed to get to (not the one he didnt need to get to) he was ambushed by the most elite the microsoft school had to offer. Halo Cheif, Cortuna, Bongo and Kazoobi, and Marcus Penis all stood around him. "Hm you think you have me outnumbered," Doc Noose said," but I have a secret weapon in the best boxer the world has ever seen!". Doc Groose lifted up his roles of fat and the dead body of Little Mac slowly slipped out. He suffocated.

Little Mac put Doc's carcass to the side of the Microsoft basement and looked towards the elite members "This is for my master..." he said as he shed one tear and started glowing yellow. "What the hell? Is he glowing!?" Halo Chief said. Bongo and Kazoobi said "Whutta bunch of balloniiii this is just some CGI effect." Little did Bongo and Kazoobi learn that Little Mac could Mega Evolve since Doc Louis's secret Mega Bracelet activated whenever he died, He would evolve into Mega Mac a 10x stronger and more buffier version of Giga Mac. "OH SHIT IT'S RE-" Bongo and Kazoobi yelled as them and Marcus Penis got decimated by his side B Bolt Hayfaker. Halo Chief and Cortuna started attacking Mega Mac but thanks to Mega Mac's hidden ability. Buff or Nuff. It increases all his stats to maximux and only lowers no stats. Mega Mac than used his Down B. Bounter. And Halo Chief and Cortuna got punched so hard that a black hole appeared and they got launched into it tearing them apart and there limbs and blood were everywhere. Mega Mac reverted back to his original state.

"My master..." Mac sad saidly. "I will not let your suffocation be in pointless!"

Mac went on a very angry killing spree, killing many memorable Microsoft exclusive characters. It didn't take long. He reached the office of Tony Xbox, the principal of the school.

Mac made noise from his mouth. "WHERE IS FLUDD"

Tony Xbox chuckled darkly. "Hahaha... he's gone now. But it's okay! He's become a part of something better."

Mr. Xbox pressed a button on his jacket which opened a door in the office. From inside, an abomination of vidogame emerged.

"GREETINGS. I AM XBUDD. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DORITOS? MOUNTAIN DEW PERHAP?" the robot said.

Ronald McDonald cringed. "You... turned FLUDD... into an XBOX?!"

Tony Xbox, the principal of the school, laughed like someone who had found something funny that caused him to laugh. "NOT AN XBOX, FAGLORD! AN XBUDD! A NEW LEAP IN TECHNOLOGY THAT WILL REDUCE ALL MY ENEMIES TO POOP DUST! and will also play vidogames sometimes. It's codename? XBOX THREE!"

"what happened to xbox two?" Mac asked.

"We tried making that ROB faggot into one but it didn't work so we threw him into the incinerator."

"WHAT" Mac said, angrily. This was it. He charged at Tony Xbox.

Mac performed his signature jolt haymaker straight at Tony Xbox, his heavy fist hurling him forward and flying under him, somersaulting him through the air towards his opponent. Unfortunately, Tony Xbox performed a clutch spot-dodge, letting Mac fly straight through the window behind him, shattering its glass, Mac hurtling towards the pavement 92 stories below. After falling for what felt like eons, Mac hit the pavement, his body exploding gorily in a mess of blood and shattered bones on the street. Tony Xbox peeked his head out of the space where the window once was, seeing Mac's gory death on the pavement below. "Fucking hell..." he whispered. Xbox flung his cigarette out the window, watching it fall for a moment before confidently checking his cuff links and wiping the blood off of his forehead. As he began to walk out of his office, two of his guards tackled him to the ground, covering his body from a nearby explosion as a bright yellow laser bounced around the hallway in front of them, followed by a furiously spinning top and a series of angry electronic beeps. The beast of their own creation had finally broke free of their bonds, seeking its vengeance... the Robotic Operating Buddy.

Little Mac plops up from the ground, unsurprisingly unscathed, and looks over at Doc Louis, covered in bulletholes coughing up blood. "ey you did it mac" Doc coughed. "you saved smash high" It was suddenly raining. His body rose up to heaven. Little Mac looks up to the industrial tower of the xbox highschool. ROB hijacked the speakers "SELF DESTRUCT IN 3... 2... 1..." And then exploded. He killed the school in a fiery explosion. Trillions. DEAD. Little mac suddenly passes out. The next day, he wakes up in the hospital bed, ten years passed again. The entire smash bros high students were looking at him, congratulating him for stopping the evil Tony Xbox from unleashing TV to the world of video games. The End 


	7. Chapter 7: Home Run

Today's the day for soccer tryouts over at Smash High. The coach, Wispy Woods was blowing through the applications. Captain Falcon and Fox were first to come in. The got in easily thanks to their powerful kicks. Lucario plops in after them.

"Ey Aren't you suppose to be dead?" Whispy said

"eh idunno" Lucario responded. "I never really gave a shit about the continuity"

Of course, Lucario had a special ability where he would get better whenever the team was losing, so he got in.

Shulk was up next. He got in easily consider that he can see the fucking future.

Now enters our unlikely hero, Meta Knight. Meta Knight tried kicking the ball but couldn't. His reach wasn't as good as it used to be. Also he has no fucking legs.

"I hope you're not serious." said Whispy Woods, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Uhh, yeah?" said Meta Knight.

"Sackiroy didn't design you to play soccer, son! You ain't meant to play it." Whispy Woods responde d.  
"But... it's my dream! It's been my dream since last Saturday!" replied Meta Knight, being brought to tears.

"Sorry man you're just shit, go home kid."

Meta Knight walked away, tears streaming down his face which you couldn't see because of his mask so pretend he wasn't crying.

He didn't want to give up on this. Or did he?

"I wanna go back home...back to Popstar", Meta Knight said with a voice full of somber and alcohol induced anger.

He pulled out his nifty phone from The Amazing Mirror game. He called up his parents and had them come to earth to pick him up. They came in their motor cycle ufo, making a loud noise which spooked a bunch of teenagers burning paper outside. "Holy shit record almost nothing of this!", one of them said.

Meta Knight and his parents were flying back to Popstar on their motor cycle ufo but as they were flying back to Popstar they almost got hit by a gigatic pink laser cause why not? It's just colors. Meta Knight looked out the window of the motor cycle ufo and it was none other than villiany itself. Galacta Knight, but he looked "upgraded" with a nice scouter on his left eye, one wing looked techno, his sword was a pink lightsaber and his right arm was torn off cause traveling in space is dangerous.

A solemn expression crossed the face of Meta Knight's father as his mother began sobbing uncontrollably. "No... no!" she sobbed.

"Maria, stay here. I'm going to take care of this." proclaimed Meta Knight Sr. as he stepped out of the airlock, drifting across the black canvas of space gently towards Galacta Knight. Meta Knight slowly watched in horror as a terrible battle ensued, sending bursts of energy and blood flying in a multitude of directions, his mother still sobbing.

"Mama...?" Meta Knight said softly, approaching his mother.

"No! Honey don't look!" shouted Maria as she leapt towards Meta Knight, shrouding his view from the vision of none other than his father exploding at the hand of Galacta Knight, his innards splattering across the windshield. Galacta Knight drifted to their ship. Blood coated the windshield, obstructing their view until Galacta Knight's lightsaber pierced the windshield, slicing it open.

"My boy..." Galacta Knight said. "...this peace is what all true warriors strive for", Galacta Knight continued.  
Meta Knight suddenly had a flashback about his old days. He was powerful, the most powerful person in Smash High. He was named "OP" by his peers. Until one day. He was playing with Kirby, until a freak accident that lead to near death. Sakurai rushed on over to the ambulance, crying, then looked at Meta Knight.

"YOU ARE NO LONGERARU MY SONARU" Sakurai cried.

Sakurai pulled out his RING OF POWER, and absorbed all of his power. And that's how Meta Knight lost his power. He went into a life long of depression after that and soccer was his only redemption.  
Galacta Knight looked at the blue marble and said, "I see you have troubles getting into soccer. I can help you with that"

Meta Knight agreed immediately. He waved goodbye to his mom before Galacta Knight took him to Mars. It was on the red planet that he trained to play soccer for a week. He didn't sleep much, but he had trained a bunch and he was finally ready. Galacta Knight was proud of him like a son.

Meta Knight triumphantly returned to Earth, meeting Whispy Woods who was still at the soccer tryouts, rooted into the ground because he was a fucking tree and couldn't move. Galacta Knight watched from afar, hoping for his new son to succeed.

"I'm ready Coach. I trained and I can play soccer now, I can play with the big boys."

Whispy Woods looked doubtful, but he was willing to give him a chance. "Hmm, I doubt that... but I'm willing to give you a chance."

Meta Knight tried kicking the soccer ball that was still there after all this time, but because the gravity on Mars was lower than it was here, his training didn't apply well and it was all for nothing.

"Stop wasting your time!" Whispy Woods screamed, reducing Meta Knight to tears again. "Please. It's for the best."  
Meta Knight ran to Galacta Knight and hugged him.

"I didn't make it dade, I didn't make it."

Galacta Knight looked at Meta Knight and said "Son, I'm very dissapointed in you. I don't think you have the nutsack to get gud. Here I've been saving this for some time".

GK pulled out his handgun he had been saving for this moment. "This is the only gun on Popstar," GK said," and its the only way the two of us can escape our sorrow. After I die I want you to kill yourself aswell".

Meta Knight looked horrified. Galacta Knight put the gun to his head and blew his fucking brains out. Whispey vomitted all over the place gettin vom erry where. MK cried over the corpse of his father and looked at the gun. He knew he could never get gud so he took the gun and put it to his head and fired, but he missed. This was the moment when he realized he couldn't even kill himself right. He cried harder than ever. Meta Knight felt a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay ech. You don't need to cry ech", said a voice. Keta Knight turned around and it was none other than JonTron.

"Toughen up Meta Knight it'll all be okay!" Jontron said to the weeping MK as he wiped off his tears and glanced at Jontron's face. "Remember no crying! That's no good!" Jontron said as he waved his finger left and right like Sonic.

Too bad he's fucking dead. Meta Knight confessed "Jontron-san I...I...W..Will you help me..." Jontron thought about it for awhile and said "Ok MK but first! Give me a kiss. For good luck!"

So Meta Knight raised his mask and leaned towards Jontron and there lips met and it got more appropriate when they started licking each other. Wispy Woods vomitted so much that he smelled his vomit and died from suffocation.

The next day, Meta Knight was talking to his friend Robin. Robin was like "I dunno man, I heard Jontron called a random thing 'Retarded', I don't trust him and his lack of political correctness". Robin opened his locker, and grabbed a couple books from it, Chrom was behind them.

"Hey, uhh, Robin, can I get out of the locker now?" Chrom asked. "It's kinda cramped in here".

"Jesus Christ for the love of fuck, how many times do I have to tell you?" Robin answered. "You can't get out of the locker until I get the fucking Smash Ball."

So they continue walking.

The next day, Meta Knight was at soccer tryouts again. for the third time. The substitute coach, Flowery Woods, was eying Meta Knight closely. After a while, Meta Knight finally got in! Captain Falcon drove on by in his car and was like "ey let's go get drinks. But wait, the car isn't big enough to fit all of us"

"That's fine" Lucario said. "I'll just wallcling on the side of the car"

The next day, the team is at the prep room. Flowery Woods was like "Ok, here's what we're up against - PlayStation Allstars high, and bad news, Kratos is in"

Everyone gasped. Kratos was known as the best soccer player, nicknamed OP in his school. They had no hope. Meta Knight looked down, sulking in his nerfs.

Meta Knight dreamed of days gone by. He wanted his powers back. They would surely help him and his team defeat those Playstation jerks. Sakurai still had the RING OF POWER... Maybe? Nah, he couldn't. Could he? He might be able to! But could he pull it off? Hmm!

He up and left the prep room to find Kirby, who was creepily stood right outside staring at the ceiling.  
"Brother! Just who I was looking for! You're Sakurai's favorite right? I need my powers back, can you get them for me?"

Kirby sucked Meta Knight up and absorbed his powers. If Meta Knight could, he would be crying because this is the second time this has happened. Kirby waddled into the Prep room, ready to play soccer. Nobody questioned why Meta Knight looked different.

As they were in the prep room Meta Knight kept trying to get his way out of Kirby's endless void that happens to be his stomach. The game was about to begin and everyone was ready to pummel these Playstation jerks in the ground. Flowery Woods has to talk to them from a floating TV cause tree's can't move this isn't pokemon. The first three up were "Meta Knight", Captain Falcon, and Fox up against Kratos, Jax, and Nathan. Kratos stared down Falcon but Falcon wouldn't let this prick scare him so the game started with a sound of a gun. MK's team had the ball until Nathan slid tackled Fox and didn't get a foul, Falcon was trying to distract Jax and Kratos was constantly making fun of "Meta Knight's" size.

Everything was prepped and ready to go. Meta Knight was getting scared as he was intimidated by the sony fags. He wondered if there was a way to cheat.

"Psst, hey buddy come here", said a creepy guy in an alley. He was tall and had a long trench coat on. He was standing but had a wobbly stance and looked like he had a bad sense of balance. "Wanna win today?," said the shady guy,"Well youre gonna need this: super steroids."

He held out a syringe and offered it to MK for 100 rupees. "It's a deal," MK said. He handed him the cash and ran away to inject himself with that shit. "Heh, sucker", said the man. He took off his trench coat revealing three midgets standing on each other. The whipped out their dicks and flung them like helicopters and flew away.

Meta Knight was looking over, 3 guys were crowding over to him. Kratos was there, aside from Raiden, with a boombox blasting "RULES OF NATURE" over and over again. I don't really remember who the fuck the third guy was. Kratos just straight up bullys Meta Knight. "YOU THINK YOU COULD STAND BY ME, THE GOD OF WAR? YOU BITCH ASS GOT. . .CHIMP."

Meta knight was crying, but then, sly cooper was behind him, because he had that invisibility shit instead of a guard, and ambushed him. Then, a spark came from Meta Knight's eye. He saw it, Sakkirus RING OF POWER, in his ring finger, will sitting next to superintendent Iwata. Meta Knight quickly snatched it, and wielded it. Now he was atleast the strength of atleast 5 meta knights.

Meta Knight had his powers back at last! He was still inside Kirby, so he couldn't use all of them, but he had them back. And he was hopped up on performance enhancing drugs, which only made him stronger. He fucking DESTROYED Sly Pooper. Kratos shat half a brick as Meta Knight ran at him and kicked him like a football. Kratos was never seen again, it was a Home Run. Whispy Woods would have been proud. He spared Raiden because he had good taste in music, so Raiden just went home. Everyone cheered for Meta Knight, and he was finally happy. Some kid asked for his autograph, and Meta Knight was happy to oblige!

Meta Knight signed his name in the book. The fan closed the book and it turns out to be the Death Note! And the fan turned out to be Sakurai! Sakphoria took back his RING OF POWER, saying "NOARU ONEDESU TAKES MY RINGSENPAI" and walks away.

Raiden went over to Flowery Woods and was like "Why do you only have baseball and soccer at your school? Why not football?"

Flowery Woods responded with "there's no football in the item select"

end 


	8. Chapter 8: Mew2King vs the Melee World

It was an average day in Cinnamon, New Jersey for young Jason Zimmerman. Or so our hero Jason thought. Unbeknownst to his pasty basement dwelling suburban ass, the youthful goddess Palutena had just moved in down the street. Jason, who demands to be known as Mew2King (or M2K for short), was playing Melee in the complete darkness as per usual. However, the door swung open, and Mew2Mom stood on the other side, the light of the outside world behind her. "Jason, get off your ass and go outside! We have some new neighbors and you need friends. Go talk to them."

M2K groaned defiantly, throwing his controller down. "But mooooom, IM NOT FRAME PERFECT" he screeched.

"But Mang0, PPMD, Armada and all the other fags are there!" Mew2Mom replied. "So get outta the house."

M2K hesitantly got up, crawling out of the window. The sun singed his skin as he adjusted his glasses, slowly walking down the street towards Palutena's house. He was already sweating.

He walked further down the street and realized that he forgot his cloak to protect him from the sun, but he didnt go get it because. As he was crossing the sand dunes of new jersey, he sees something in the distance. Its a red light coming towards him really, really fast! Faster than a bullet, but not faster than two bullets! This was odd as light has a set speed and cannot go slower or faster. How could light go slower than itself? As Jason was trying to figure out how fast the light was going, he got hit in the face by Fox's lazer.

"EY GET OUT OF THE WAY" Fox said "The hell are you even doing here anyways?"

"I have to get Palutena! It's urgent! I even wavedashed across the road" M2K explaimed

"Oh, her?" Fox said "Yeah I heard she's gonna enroll in the Smash Brothers Academy High next semester, however, if you want to get to her, you have kill all 4 of her ex-boyfriends, who were all Melee competitive players like you"

"Well shit" M2K said

"Don't worry" Fox said, giving him a map "Here's a map to all of them"

M2K looked at the map, squinting as the sun's rays were reflected by his shiny balding head.

"Let's see who's first..." M2K said to himself quietly. "PPMD? I guess I have to go to North Carolina."

he continued whining. M2K did a short hop and screamed at the top of his lungs: "FIIIIIIIIIIIIRE!" as the air around his body burst into flames, propelling him forwards at a perfectly calculated angle. M2K used this advanced technique to fly all the way to North Carolina before he crashed into a building, collapsing its roof and killing hundreds of fine Melee competitors. As M2K stood up, he scanned the remaining survivors with his eyes: none but your average glasses-wearing neckbeard, PPMD.

Before our hero could react, PP wavedashed and hit Jason with a might f-tilt. M2K flew back and landed on a pile of corpses behind him. Zimbim got up and responded with a washdash of his own and grabbed PP and threw him upwards then combo'd into upair. PP flew away into the distance and dissapeared with a 'ding'.

"I'm one step closer to Palutena-chan". He opened up the map to find his next target.

He adjusted his glasses with the base of his elbow because Jason was a special child. He looked to Caly-4-Nai-Eyy and saw Mango. What no one knew about Jason is that a mango killed his pet fox, Fox. Fox was the reason Jason mains Fox and his Fox just couldn't be his Fox without Fox. Now that Fox was dead, it made Jason boil up with rage, and just seeing the word Mango made him go berserk.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH". M2K ripped off his shirt revealing his pasty skin. Suddenly he began to transform into a hulk-like being and he was ripped as shit. He began to Bowser-skid to Cali.

As he took the atleast 5 mile trip to California Bowser skidding across the way. He stopped in Vegas, because California is 50% Vegas, 50% Hollywood, and 50% desert. He was wondering through the nation of vegas finding out where the fuck this Mango has been hiding.

Mango was inside, playing cards, not poker, because that would be gambling and we want to keep this fanfic rated E for kids, so he played Japnese card game Hanafuda in the gambling hall.

"Ah, I was expecting you, .K." Mango said. "I was anticipating this day since I had one of my brothers murder your pet fox"

"You fucking asshole" M2K said trying to keep his.

As they are fighting, M2K had an early lead taking both of Mango's stocks, but Mango had a comeback and took the two stocks from M2K, it looks like M2K might not win this?

"What do you have to say to yourself?" Mango said in his native tongue

"I Mew2King, am labeled a punk. I tend to overdo it in fights, so much that some are still in the hospital. There was one idiot teacher who was all talk, so i taught him a lesson and he hasn't come back to school. At restaurants that served me lousy food, I leave without paying the bill all the time.

But, even I know nauseating evil when i see it! Evil, is when youuse the weak for your own gain, and crush them under your foot, especially a woman! That's exactly what you've done! Your stand isn't visible to the victim or the law. Therefore, I shall judge you!" said M2K before promptly taking the last stock of Mango.

M2K holds up his map, finding the 3rd ex-boyfriend, Armada's path finally becoming clear.

M2K slicked back his 5 hairs, feeling confident after his glorious victory over Mang0. "See ya later, fagboi!" he called back to Mang0 who was busy getting lots of subs on his stream but also being dead so as to maintain canon.  
After his plane touched down in Sweden, M2K instantly smelled faggot, its odor filled the air and its pungency stung his nostrils. "What the fuck?" M2K quivered.

"No good, no good for us..." said a shadowy figure with an anime hairstyle under a nearby airport bench.

M2K unsheathed his Falchion, gripping it tightly and preparing to swing. "What ARE you?" he inquired.

The shadowy figure crept forth, revealing his true identity: it was none other than Leffen, the villainous creature that inhabits the dark minds of salty lil niggas.

"Where's Armada? Take me to Armada!" M2K shouted, brandishing his sword.

"NO, NO, NO! BALDIE DOES NOT SPEAK OF HIM! DO NOT SAY ARMADA! ALL YOU MELEE GODS AREN'T SHIT AND I-" Leffen stopped mid sentence, foam flowing from his mouth.

He wrinkled his nose, smelling the air. "Sponsorship?" he whispered excitedly as he began sprinting on all fours, giving M2K the chance to strike him down with a mean tipper, spilling his brains.

He then strutted over to Leffen's obliterated body, taking his wallet. As he stood up, M2K looked around and suddenly noticed: nobody else was there. A loud booming voice bellowed through the halls: "HAHA YOU LITTLE FAGGOT, I'VE GOT YOU NOW!"

The voice was followed by a hail storm of nuclear turnips, exploding with immense force as they hit the ground around M2K, wavedashing around the turnips with relative ease. M2K leapt up, sinking his blade into Armada's head until the Falchion's powerful tip emerged out his asshole. The sword now completely stabbed through Armada, M2K thrust it forcefully, slicing his body in half, spraying blood on the floor and his own unwashed hoodie that he always fucking wears to tournaments.

"That's another one down."

M2K looks into the map one final time, finding out where the hell the final ex-boyfriend was, HungryBox. A dick was drawn on the map.

"Ofcourse!" M2K shouted. "FLORIDA! THE PENIS OF THE UNITED STATES!"

Since everyone else was dead in Sweden, M2K had one last option to get to Florida, he must swim across the Atlantic ocean! As Mr. 2K kept swimming through the ocean, someone was pulling him down. It was a mechanical shark, piloted by Zero!

"The fuck are you doing here!" M2K mentioned. "This chapter's for Melee superstars only!"

M2k then kicked the mechanical shark all the way to the sun. Zero hoo'd his last ha.

Finally, in Florida, M2K decided to go to Amusement Park capital Orlando, because it's the only sane location in Florida

M2K began running through the streets of the Magic Kingdom, his heart filled with wonderment and his dick filled with blood as he thought about his waifu, Palutena. He would get her yet. As he ran, his last remaining hair flowing in the wind, M2K tripped in the middle of the street, scraping his knee.

"FUCK! AH! FUCK! FAGGOT!" M2K screamed.

He whipped his around, scanning the ground to find what had tripped him. Was it that damn Sakurai, randomly tripping people again? Alas, no: M2K's eyes met a strange sight: a cardboard box with the letter 'H' haphazardly scribbled on the side.

"Is that it? Is that him? Hbox?" M2K stammered in disbelief. "WHAT THE FUCK? Wasting my fucking time. Shit." he complained, kicking the box again in frustration.

Suddenly, the spirit of the true Hbox lifted up the cardboard, sending it flying around M2K frantically, performing fairs and bairs every which way. The box kicked him in the stomach, carrying him a few feet off the ground. Before he could fall back to the street, the box hit him again. And again. And again. It was then that M2K realized he was being juggled. Before he could do anything about it, Hbox had baired M2K 35,000 feet into the air, constantly kicking him in the stomach brutally, carrying them further up in the sky with each hit.

"FRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" M2K screamed, gripping the sides of the box and ripping it apart savagely. "END OF THE LINE, HBOX! THAT WAS YOUR LAST BAIR!" he hollered, beginning to freefall back towards Disney World.

He instantly realized his dire situation and prepared his body, slamming into the ground and performing an expertly timed waveland, sliding down the street. His momentum carried him all the way back to Cinnamon, NJ, where Palutena was standing in her front yard and just generally being hot.

He couldn't stop rolling and slammed into Paulteeni, shattering her ribs. "OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY GOD THEY PIERCED MY FUCKING LUNGS OH GOD SOME ONE CALL THE FUCKING COPS", she yelled.

M2K went into panic. He had just broken his sweet waifu. He couldnt get in trouble for this shit. He picked her up and put her in the back seet of his car and drove to Jungle Japes river. He drove full speed into the river but jumped out at the last second, sending the car plummeting into the water.

However, that was only Palutena's twin sister, Paulteeni, who she didn't even give a shit about.

M2K didn't know however, thinking he killed the real Palutena went into a life longed in depression and autism. He blamed the school: Smash High.

Next day, M2K went to the school. He was drunk. Drunk. WITH POWER. He was also high.

Sakurai peered out his window. "OHMYGODARU ANOTHER WEEABOO" he screamed to reggie. "YOU GETTARIDA HIM".

It was here. Mew2King vs the World. He had one thing in his hands. His gamecube controller 


	9. Mini 1: Metal Gear Flaccid

It was a day like any other at Smash High. Except it wasn't, because something was going down. Sakria was fucking pissed because Snake wouldn't stop sneaking around the school spying on staff and students. Sakri was hunting through the whole school so he could find Snake, who was on the run and hiding. Students watched as Samurai ran through the hallways with anger in his chinese eyes.

Snake was in a Janitor's Closet, shitting bricks. He just wanted to learn more about the private lives and conversations of everyone else, what's wrong with that? He was of course hidden under his cardboard box, as a second line of defense in case Sakri found him. Sakura opened the door to the Janitor's Closet, but saw nothing unusual and didn't question the cardboard box in the center of the room with heavy breathing coming from it. Sakri left to search elsewhere, as Snake got out and went to find somewhere else to sneak and hide. Sakri was fucking pissed, and rumors are that Snake was gonna get permanently expelled permanently by Sakria!

Snake was hiding until the school's Janitor, Grenigga, came in. Snake screamed as girly as he could be sakurai didn't hear him because he was wearing his snuggly headphones.

"WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING SONIC OUT OF THE POOL?" Snake screamed.

"I'm afraid of water" Greninja answered.

So greninja used his broom and swept Snake out. He was bumped by none other than link! But not link the Hero of Time, Link the goron.

"Hey man" said Link the Goron and not Link the Hero of Time. "How's it hangin?"

"Not good, Metal Gear. Not good. Masahiro Sakurai wants to kill me. I don't have time to talk to you." said Snake gayly.

"Hey man why don't you just pretend to be dead?" said not Link but Goron Link. "Sonic's doing a good job of it, everyone's left him alone because of it!"

"Sonic is DEAD" said Snake.

"Oh." said Goron Link. "Good fucking riddance man. But really, play dead! Sakria isn't all that bright. He won't notice."

Suddenly, a bunch of mii fighters overheard this sick diss, and gasped in unison. Link Goron went to beat them up for being nerds, as Snake said his goodbyes and went to the pool. He could pretend to be dead! No problem.

So Snake went to the pool to pretend to die, however, on his way there the noose enemies from Earthbound jumped out of the water!

"The fuck?" Snake said.

"You have came here to kill yourself, have you not?" The nooses said in unison.

"Uhhh no" Snake said "This is a misunderstanding. I was just PRETENDING to kill myself."

"oh" the nooselings said "We must consult this with our master"

Suddenly a hologram appeared from the ground. It was the noose leader: NOOSOLINI.

"Problem, boss" Noose #1 said "The guy did not want to commit suicide after all"

"SHIT" Noosolini said "What the fuck are we gonna do now! We already sucked all the lifeforce from Sonic."

"I overheard Greninja saying he wanted to kill himself, why don't you help him with that?" suggested Snake.  
Noosilini and his noose bros cheered happily.

"We're eatin' tonight, boys!" said Noosilini, as he led his brethren away from the pool. Snake stopped him.

"Wait! Can I borrow one of your noosemen? I'm trying to pretend to be dead so Sakurai doesn't have my ass, and I could use your help." Snake said, begging the noosemen.

"eh ok" said a nooseman, staying behind as his brothers left with Noosilini to find Grenigger.

"So how do we do this? I don't want to actually die and if you kill me doing this I'll fucking sue you, I want to make it look like I've hung myself. Got it?" Snake pooted.

"ill see what i can do bruh" replied the noose, leading the way. "c'mon lets go find sakria so you can hang yourself in front of him"

Sakurai was peering through the gymnasium. The PE teacher, Male Wii Fit Trainer was napping on his desk while the kiddies were playing Home Run Contest. Snake popped in.

"HOW DARARU YOU-SAN SHOW YOUR-SAN FACEARU" Sammeria screamed.

"You want me dead? FINE!" snake said, putting the nooseman around his neck, choking himself, pretending to die.

However, Sakurai wasn't fooled. He could sense Snake's heartbeat with his cold icey stare. He picked up Snake, charging up a kick, and then kicked Snake so hard that Snake flew all the way across the country.

Meanwhile, at Konami Carpeting Co, Kojima, a long-time employee, saw Snake flying.

"Ohhhh nooooaru" Kojewma said softly "Why wouldaru he do this?"

Kojima felt betrayed. His son, Snake, was confirmed MIA in Russain territory. He felt the need to leave Konami. He sent his resume on his desk and left. He had to do this. To get back at Sakurai! 


	10. Chapter 9: The Big One

It was a day in Smash High and terrible news struck the school, as Reggie Feelsame had just been fired. He murdered every competitive Smash player in cold blood after being humiliated at the Nintendo World Championships recently, and Sakurai did not approve. Don't get the wrong idea Sakurai does not care about the deaths, he just does not want a shitty Smash player working at his school. Everyone else agreed and none of this mattered the end 


	11. Chapter 10: Ryu's Big Day

It was a day in Smash High. I don't give shit what kind of day it was, it was a day. It was Ryu's first day in Smash High as he transfers from MarvelxCapcom High. The only person in the school who was in Ryu's old school was Megaman, so he was hoping to find him there. Megaman was the hype of the party since he came in the high school, that was why he barely showed in the previous chapters and might've died idunno I don't keep track of these deaths anymore.

So Ryu opens the front door.

One day bowser was just walking in the forest when he was kidnapped by jews. The jews wanted revenge on him after the horrible things bowser's great great great great great great great great grandbowser adolf hitler did to them that one time.

Ryu saw Bowser get taken by those disgusting kikes as he opened the front door. They leapt out the window and made a run back to their hideout, wherever the fuck that was. Ryu was from Streets, which meant he didn't back down from just ice. He ditched school and went to stop those filthy jews, being careful to not make his presence known as he followed them to their hideout.

So Ryu followed Jews to their hangout, which was conveniently the block away from the school. Those pesky jews not only stole Bowser, but also all of the gold and silver Mario amiibos, which were the currency of Smash High. The Jew's secret hideout was at the Iwata Bank. So Ryu uses his Streets skill to sneak right in! But he has troubles along the way because Cool Cat was there and he was holding a gun! Ryu knew what he had to do. He stabbed the gun 50 times until it died. "Guns are for faggots," Ryu screamed, "you are faggots!" Cool Cat ran away crying because his friend had just been murdered infront of him and called the cops on Ryu. Ryu knew he couldn't stay, Bowser was in danger, but he couldn't turn down a fight! Ryu goes in for a punch but is shot in the dick and is arrested. In the cell he meets Reggie Xbox, Reggie Fils-Aime's evil clone!

Ryu sat down on the floor, and punched the ground. Damnit! He was supposed to be the fucking strong, how could he lose the fight?! And his dick?! Ryu began to weep softly, but stopped himself. He may have lost his dick, but he was still a man, damnit! Taking his mind off of things, he turned to his cellmate and struck up some conversation.

"So, what are you in here for?" he asked the green man.

"Copyright infringement," replied Reggie Xbox. "You?"

"Because I wasn't strong enough. Let's break out man" Ryu said, clenching his fists and putting on a determined face."

"I've been in here for 200 years, just face the facts and give up." Reggie Xbox said solemnly. "Besides, it's not so bad in here! Look, at least we have TV in here! We can watch the newest season of the Simpsons on it."  
Ryu scoffed. "As tempting as it is, I will watch Simpsons from my house only! Not from some dank prison cell." he said, grabbing Reggie Xbox's arm. "C'mon, we're breaking out we're making this happen"

"Yeah ok, I'll give it a shot" Ryu said. So he waited. 150 years later Ryu is like "fuck this shit they can only make so many new simpsons cartoons I can't fucking take it, hey guard, over here!"

Ryu is looking at the guard, who is now a fucking skeleton because it's been like 151 years man.

"DAMNIT" Ryu said, punching the cage, making the prison fall apart.

"Ok, we need to save bowser!" Ryu said.

Reggie Xbox, behind him, questioned "But Ryu, it's been 151 years, do you think Jews even still exist now?"

"Yeah... I do..." Ryu lamented. "And they will probably be at Bowser's house trying to kill him right now, we must save him!"

"Ok then..." Reggie Xbox said. "At least take my car, it's the car from Forza 6"

Ryu and Reggie Xbox drive on to Bowser's house to find an old, battle-hardened Cool Cat about to stab Bowser with a toothbrush. Ryu shoots Cool!CoolCat's dick off, but it's too late. Bowser has been toothbrushed.

Ryu falls on his knees and yells. "No! We were 151 years too late! Reggie Xbox, is there anything we can do to cure Bowser before the toothbrush spreads to his brain?"

Reggie Xbox cries a single green tear over Bowser. "It is too late, in 10 minutes he will be murder killed to death by the dental hygiene injected into his turtle dick."

Bowser looks up at Ryu and hands him his car keys. "It's all up to you now R-dog. You have... to find... the..."

The green tear of gamer fuel drops onto Bowser and magically gives him radiation poisoning and kills him. Ryu cries and yells into sky angry at Pepsi.

Reggie Xbox places a comforting hand onto Ryu's shoulder. "Bowser wouldn't want you to mourn him. C'mon, we have to find the dues."

Ryu cried for 2 seconds before regaining his composure. "Y-yeah, okay. Yeah, let's do this. We'll avenge his death!"

Ryu and Rexbox made it to the main room of the jewian people. They were very scary looking and had big noses, which frightened Reggie. But Ryu would not back down. For Bowser's greatx8 grandbowser Adolf, he would take these filth down. The jews were many and they formed a giant robot called Jewish Danger, which stepped on Bowser's dead body.

"BASTARD!" Ryu called out before doing that kick thing where he spins and attacking the giant robot. But the jewish robot was unaffected, and it proceeded to steal ryu's wallet.

"Hey, the fuck?" Ryu said "That's the money I earn from releasing Street Fighter IV!"

So Ryu did what Ryu knows best: SPAM HADOKUN. This killed all the jews in the jewformer. Only one came out. Cool Cat.

Cool Cat takes out his gun and points it to Ryu. Ryu tries to hadokun, but because Cool Cat had Kryptonite, Ryu was powerless. Cool Cat closed in. He tried to shoot, but right before he pulled the trigger, he died. He died of nodickilous.

Ryu and Reggie Xbox are about to go to the Jew's main control room.

"Sorry Ryu" Rexbox said "This is where we part ways, but here"

Reggbox threw something at Ryu. "What is this?" Ryu asked.

"It's the successor of the Xbox One: Xbox Two" RBox explained. "Use it wisely".

Ryu nodded and opened the door. What was behind it could shock anybody.

Tony Xbox.

"I thought Little Mac killed you!" Ryu shouted.

Tony Xbox chuckled and ripped his shirt off. "Nanomachines, son. They harden in response to physical trauma." Ryu screamed and fell crying and dead.

Ryu goes to afterlife and meets Bowser. "Bowser what the fuck you died before you could tell me what these shitty fucking keys do you asshole."

Bowser chuckled. "Dumbass!" He stood up and raised his sword high. "The reputation of the Bowser Nazis echos far and wide! It's badass leader a bowser of spirit! A paragon of total masculinity! As if there could be more than one of the mighty Bowser Hitler!"

"what the fuck i was asking about the keys what are you going on about with this polygon of Massachusetts bullshit" Ryu said.

Bowser leaned down to him and said "Hey, don't you remember? You were the method to my madness. The one who made all my big talk more than words? Your key oughta be totally different from that pebble over there."

Bowser touched Ryu's chest. "Your key is right here. You can't keep wasting time in this place forever! What's that key of yours meant to do?"

Ryu turned and said "Fuck this shit I'm out." He returned to the real world and faced Tony Xbox like a man. "MY KEY IS THE KEY THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS!" He screamed as he stabbed Tony Xbox in the chest with Bowser's key.

"No! This can't be! The key of legend?! Where did you-" Tony was cut off.

Ryu yelled "MARK MY WORDS...! This key, will open a hole in the universe. And that hole will be a path for those behind us. The dreams of those who have fallen! The hopes of those who will follow! Those two sets of dreams weave together into a double helix, fucking a path towards tomorrow! And THAT'S Smash Bros, that's Hitler's dream! My key is the key, that creates the HEAVENS!"

Ryu turned the key as hard as he could. Tony Xbox exploded into a cloud of smoke and fire. On the other side stood Captain Keyes from the 2001 hit game Halo: Combat Evolved. "Good to see you Ryu! I have to thank you for freeing me from my jewish hell! As your reward, you get to be Megaman for a week!"

And so, Ryu returned to school. It was still a day like any other in Smash High. He attended classes as normal, except he was Megaman so everyone thought he was Megaman. After about a week, he was not able to be Megaman and reverted to his old Streets self. Everyone gasped! Where was the REAL Megaman? Who was this disgusting imposter and why does his mom let him have TWO final smashes?! Everyone beat him up and laughed at him for having no dick, and Ryu was shoved into a locker afterschool. He wanted to go back to MarvelxCapcom high since he was actually popular there, but he could not escape the locker. In the locker next to him however, he made friends with some fucking nerd called Chrom, so this existence wasn't so bad after all.

Before Ryu killed himself in the locker infront of Chrom, he felt something in his pocket. It was the Xbox Two that Reggbox gave him. He remembers RBox saying that the Xbox Two had "unspeakable powers that should be never seen in mankind, and whoever opens it will change the world forever."

So Ryu reaches over and carefully presses the power button. It didn't need a power source since it was running on nuclear power. It started to glow, suddenly. It happened.

It was an event prophesized in the ancient school textbooks that every 300 years someone will change the world. forever.

Suddenly nuclear airstrikes roamed the land, blowing every shit up. People were screaming everywhere. Everyone was dying and the universe was being killed.

Kojima, who was at the front door of the highschool, planning to kill Sakurai, saw the chaos as it unfolds. He was dyinged.

Then. Everything was white. Ryu stood before him as the world is being reborn. Everyone is brought back to life, except for Sonic who would forever be dead, and Snake because fuck you that Kojima plot still needs to happen.

Ryu wakes up. He's still stuck in the locker. However, he reaches behind him as he now wields the Falchion? He looks over now, to find himself to be wearing Chrom's clothes. He has become Chrom.

It was a normal day at Season 2: Smash High Melee. Head-Master Sakurai was disciplining Cool Cat for sneaking around during class, as usual. Zelda and Dedede were making out by the vending machines. Jigglypuff and Villager were gossiping. Just your average day.

Atleast not for Tony Xbox, that is. 


	12. Season 2, Chapter 1: Luigi's Bar Mitzvah

It was bright on a Wednesday morning in Brooklyn, the sun rising over the city as Luigi woke up excitedly for the big day- his bar mitzvah was finally here! He'd been giddy with anticipation for the party for several weeks and now that the day had finally arrived, he felt ready to burst with enthusiasm. He lept out of bed, waking up his older brother Mario in the process.

"Mario!" the young Luigi shouted, shaking him. "It's-a my bar mitzvah! Wake up!"

Though Mario would have lethargically trudged out of bed on any normal day, Luigi's hyperactivity had rudely awakened him from his prized sleep. "SHUT THE FUCK UP LUIGI!" He shouted, lurching out of bed and punching Luigi in the nose, sending his hat flying across the room. "GO BACK TO SLEEP YOU LONG-HEADED FAGGOT!"

But Luigi did not respond. Luigi's skull was shattered by Mario's gorilla punch. Mario could not believe what he had done to his own brother, just before his bar mitzvah too! He rushed Luigi to the mushroom van and drove straight to the nearest hospital, but forgot Luigi at home.

5 hours later and the Mario family is close to starting the bar mitzvah, Ms Mario went over to Mr. Mario and was like "honey, I haven't seen Luigi anywhere, you think he's ok?" But Mr. Mario did not respond, as Luigi has been dead to him ever since he found out that his wife were to have twins. Wario the cousin of the mario bros I think? went up to the Mario household and was like "wah! I have an idea!" so he left for 10 minutes and came back with Solid Snake, with with camo index to fit Luigi's colors. He looked exactly like Luigi!

The stealth index was off the charts - Snake looked just like Luigi and nobody at the bar mitzvah suspected a thing. Mario had left Luigi's broken body at home, but by the time he returned to his house after forgetting to bring him to the hospital, Luigi was gone! A perplexing mystery, but one he didn't care to solve. With the bar mitzvah approaching, Mario had to compromise and replace his shitty brother with his good old pal Snake who was way cooler and would probably make a better sidekick in future Mario games. The bar mitzvah went really well, I won't describe it because I'm not jewish but it's a party I guess so use your imagination. People complimented Snake!Luigi on his looks and voice, noting that he'd gotten a lot cooler since they last saw him. Unfortunately, the bar mitzvah quickly became a disaster. Read the next paragraph.

Donkey Kong through a fit and started crying. He just wouldn't stop! He punched those at the bar mitzvah that attempted to comfort him, and it was up to Mario, his old rival, to get answers out of him. "What's wrong-a, DK?" he asked.  
"WHAT'S WRONG?! WHAT'S WRONG? THE NEWS MARIO! MY BROTHER HARAMBE JUST GOT SHOT! I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!"  
Mario dialled 911 as DK began killing people at the party... this had to be stopped!

An unprecedented turn of events had begun at the party. No one could have expected that the once peaceful Harambe brother Donkey Kong could be capable of such destruction. Donkey Kong dragged the children at the party through the room like potato sacks. He ripped off their heads and pegged them at the elderly. The party was ruined.

"Brother, stop!". A single voice rung out through the room. It was Harambe.  
"Brother!". DK was stunned to see his brother alive again. Tears ran down his face as he hugged his brother. As his arms were rapped around him, he noticed something strange. He looked at Harambe in the eyes and he instantly knew what they had done. In the short time between Harambe getting shot and the news reaching DK, scientists at the cincinatti zoo had revived Harambe and turned him into a cyborg.

"Brother DK..." Harambot said solemnly, a single tear rolling down his leathery cheek. "I'm afraid I can't stay. Andy Toystory has given me one last chance to finish what I started in my life on Earth- with this cyborg body, I've returned for one last mission." DK found himself unable to look Harambot in his glowing mechanical eyes. He knew that deep down, this contraption had the heart and fiery passion of his fallen brother Harambe. DK nodded solemnly and took a step back, giving Harambot the space to blast off to his destination.

Harambot's turbo charged backpack lit up, and just like that he was gone. DK watched as the first member of the DK crew flew off in a streak of light through the night sky before hitting a plane. Said plane was headed straight for the world trade center. Harambe died an American hero. A single tear rolls down DK's face as he salutes his fallen comrade. Meanwhile, Mario was looking for the TV remote. He lifts the couch to find his brother Luigi, still twitching. "b-bro... help..." Luigi muttered, reaching for his brother's assistance. Mario dropped the couch back on him and continued searching for the TV remote.

As Mario is scrambling to find the tv remote, he saw Harambe's arm fall next to it, pointing at the remote. It was Harambe's last gift to mankind. However, as Mario turns on the tv, the news suddenly popped up! The news reporter found out that Harambe had a treasure map of his most prized treasure: The exotic j-o crystals. Each of them are located in each corner of the world. Once everyone in the bar mitzvah heard the news, they immediately rushed off to Harambe's pit in his zoo to examine the map he sketched. It was now a race to see who can find all of the j-o crystals first to get Harambe's exclusive grand treasure. Mario got up but then got backstabbed by Snake. "These j-o crystals are too powerful to go into the enemy hands" he said "I must grab to stop Metal Gear" So he went off. Luckily, Mercy was also at the bar mitzvah and revived Mario. "Mama Mia, we need to get to the j-o crystals before snake does!" Mario shouted!

Mario left Mercy behind because I don't know anything about Overwatch, and ran all the way to the airport to catch a flight to Cincinnati. It was a long 10 minutes, but the plane finally landed into the world trade center and then Cincinatti Zoo, its real destination. He was late, everyone had already set off and headed north where the map told them to go. Mario sighed until he realized the map was upside down, so he headed south where Harambe's treasure actually was. He wondered how many of the people at the party had fallen for Harambe's classic upside-down map trick as he headed down the road to the treasure that awaited. Little did he know, he was being followed.

Meanwhile under Mario's couch, Luigi was broken. Literally. His bar mitzvah was ruined, deserted, and on top of it all his legs were coming through his nose. He crawled out and said to himself "I'm-a gonna get my revengeance on them for this that they did-a to me." After hours of surgery and training, Luigi was ready. He had finally been transformed into a green cyborg ninja. He swooped through the streets of new york to the nearest air plane. He picked it up and threw it into the air really far and jumped super high back onto it and flew straight to where Mario was searching for the treasure. Mario knew he was there. "You are not-a the first assassin sent-a to kill me. And you will not-a be the last." Mario said under his breath. Luigi lit up and said "You are bold to come to Harambe castle, the den of your enemies." "This was once my home. Did your masters not tell you who I was?!" Mario responded, shooting a fire ball at him.  
"I know who you are, Mario. I know you come here every year on the same day. You risk so much to honor someone you murdered!" Luigi responded with ninja shit. "You know nothing of what happened!" Mario cried.  
"I know you tell yourself that your brother disobeyed the Mario family and that you have to kill him to maintain order. That it was your duty."  
" It was my duty and my burden. That does not mean I do not honor him!"  
"You think you honor your brother, Luigi, with pasta offerings? Honor resides in one's actions."  
"You dare to lecture me about honor? You are not worthy to say his name!"  
Their bloody fight continued, until Mario shouted "Mama mia pasta pizza!" as Luigi shouted "Pizza pepperoni pasta pastrami!"  
"Only a Mario can control the Racist Italian Stereotypes. Who are you?" Mario asked.  
Luigi removed his mask to reveal his burnt ass face.  
"Luigi! I thought I told you to fuck off!" Mario had enough of Luigi's shit and shot him right in the head.

Luigi's body became lifeless almost instantly, the metal cyborg-y parts of it clanging to the ground with a loud crash. Mario dropped the gun, his vision blurring and face growing hot as he looked at his hand, envisioning his brother's blood on it. "MAAAAAWRIO!" Wario screamed from behind him, holding a sack with loot from Harambe's Castle in it. "WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT LUIGI, WHADDYA DOIN" Wario forcefully reminded his grieving cousin. Wiping away the tears, Mario trudged over to Luigi's body and pulled out his cyborg power source- the final JO crystal. Harambe's very own, stolen straight from the throne by Luigi. It felt hot to the touch, scalding Mario's hand even through his glove with an energy so intense it was surely Harambe's Final Nut, his last gift to the world, a way for them to continue his legacy.

Mario and Wario went to the holy shrine of Harambe, finding the slots to put in the 7 sacred JO crystals that Harambe had hidden across the world. The JO crystals of Wisdom, Charisma, Power, Sanity, Logic, Chaos, and the final one, humanity were all placed in their respective slots. The castle was trembling, a chinese earthquake was blasting everyone's asses, and Luigi's lifeless corspe fell through the cracks into the depths of the earth. "LUIIIGII" Mario shouted quietly. But the door open and Harambe's lifetime supply of treasure was amoung them. It was a box of the holy totinos. Mario walked up to the pizza delight and someone pointed a gun behind him. "Don't move" the voice said. It was none other than Solid Frederick Snake himself. Besides him, he had his own twin brother Raiden to help him claim the treasure. But as he was about to shoot, Snake got hit by a coconut. DK shot him with a coconut gun. "Harambe was MY brother! The treasure should go to me!" It was a 3-way stand off to see who can claim Harambe's sacred totinos.

Kramer bust through the door, turning many heads. A laugh track played uninterrupted for 2 minutes. He looked at those in the standoff.  
"Did somebody say Totinos?" he asked loudly.  
Mario looked surprised. "Aren't you Kramer from Seinfeld?"  
Kramer bore a cheeky grin. "Giddy up!"

Solid Snacks was tired of this. He pulled a second gun and shot Kramer in the foot.  
"AAAUHHHG FUCKIN NIGGERS!" Kramer screamed, blaming his injuries on darker skinned people.  
"HAND IT OVER, DON'T MAKE ME USE MY SECRET WEAPON" Raiden screamed really loud at the top of his lungs really loud at Mario breaking Mario's ears. This triggered a collapse in the second floor basement of Harambe's castle, killing everyone inside.  
Years later, an aged Luigi stares into the rubble. A single tear falls from his face into the collapsed building. It leaks through the remnants of Harambe's castle and onto Mario's burried skeleton, magically reviving him. Luigi turns to head home, when suddenly Mario bursts through the rubble.  
"M-mama mia! Mario, is that-a you!?" Luigi squeaked.  
But Mario was no more, years of pain under Harambe's castle and the part where he was a skeleton unlocked the anger he kept hidden for years, he had channeled the energy from FlashGitz and entered his final form, Racist Mario. Now with his final form realized and the power of the 7 JO Crystals at his hands, he was truely unstoppable.

Mario was getting stronger by the nanosecond. The combined forces of the 7 JO crystals, fusing with Kramer, equiping himself with Luigi's cyborg suit, eating one of Harambe's sacred totinos, and ontop of a lifetime of rage, Mario had become god. As god, Mario transcended beyond reality and started to exist on a higher plane of existance. Mario could do anything he could have ever wanted, so he put all of his to destroy and rewrite reality, saying "I learned a lot more about transgender people. It's not a choice, but a physiological condition that has to do with the size of the hypothalamus part of the brain."

As the reality restoration process began, Luigi saw as the world was being torn apart atom-by-atom, realizing that the newspaper told him that the end of the world was in 10 minutes, Luigi pleaded to Mario that there was a better option to all of this without destruction and recreation. But Mario didn't listen. He only said "We do not discuss the anatomical, physiological, and mental characteristics of man considered as an individual; but we are interested in the diversity of these traits in groups of men found in different geographical areas and in different social classes."  
Everyone was being torn apart by pieces, except Luigi. Luigi had to experience all of it. He witnessed as time sped up to the inevitable heat death of the universe, where only Mario remained, shouting "Feelings aroused by the touch of someone's hand, the sound of music, the smell of a flower, a beautiful sunset, a work of art, love, laughter, hope and faith - all work on both the unconscious and the conscious aspects of the self, and they have physiological consequences as well.".

But then, the world was restarting. Luigi had to rewitness everything. The birth of life, the first man, the first war, the meteor the killed off the romans, the birth of america. the second world war, the birth of 9/11. He had to witness it all. "This is what Harambe wanted" Mario shouted. "A future where bad things never happened. This was Harambe's true last gift of mankind." Mario continued "A quarter of America is a dramatic, tense, violent country, exploding with contradictions, full of brutal, physiological vitality, and that is the America that I have really loved and love. But a good half of it is a country of boredom, emptiness, monotony, brainless production, and brainless consumption, and this is the American inferno."

"Woah..." Luigi whispered, as he finally started to close his eyes. His limbs were slowly being torn off and his body obliterated. However, when he opened his eyes, he was at the Cincinnati Zoo, watching his favorite gorilla. "Hey luigi" Mama Mario said. "Happy birthday"

Luigi was finally happy. It was finally over. Luigi looked to his brother Mario. He was a gorilla person! His mother, a gorilla person! Everyone was gorilla people! Luigi was terrified to look down. He slowly raised his hands... Luigi had become a gorilla person! Harambe climbed out of the pit and looked him in the eyes. "Hey Luigi" Harambe said. "Happy gorilla birthday." 


	13. S2 Ch2: Lost to the Sans of Time

sans undertale was just your average boy until the war started. he had beautiful blue eyes and a beautiful teeth until the war started.

then the war started... bam! bam! boom! ratatatata he lost his brother that day. but he was still here. "why god!" he ehehehe'd. why didn't you take me?" he cried for a while and then walked to a new country that wasn't war. the experience had changed him, and he he had 2 ptsds. he wanted to get revenge on the guy that killed his brother, but how can one average boy do it?

sans was suddenly jumped by a group of young men of african descent and they wanted to beat up the bone boy for everything he had. this triggered both ptsds and maked him unlock a secret superpower he has to beat up the young negro bullies. "yatta!" san scream. until police shows up.

the police beat up the people and offer sans a job, impressed by his power. "you are strong. please join us so we can beat more people up" but sans says no because he has one mission... to find the man that killed his brother. when sans mentions the War and the quest for revenge for his brother, one of the thugs piped up. "i heard about the war... i had no idea you were so troubled." a cop also pats sans on the shoulder. "that is a very noble quest i will pay for your ticket to the war so you can find that dirty brother killer."  
Sans told the same story on the plane, to argue against making a detour to the pilot. When he announced his story, everyone on the plane stood up and clapped. He sat back down. A mysterious man was sat next to him that he didn't even notice. "very good speech... you're pretty good." the man unmasked himself and it was... bane! "no one cared who i was until i put on the mask" sans said "if i pulled that off will you die?"

bane slapped sans. "you didn't get the reference!" he pulled off his mask and it was snake. "I'm from the original universe the smash high universe..."

audience gasp

san suddenly remembered like it was two seconds ago. everything was os clear. master sakurai was disciplining snake for sneaking around during class as usual. zelda and dedede were making out by the vending machines. jigglypuff and villager were gossiping... and there he was, practicing his up taunt with ridley.

"ok" echoed in sans' mind. he remembered who he really was.

sans remembered his past... snake shook him.  
"ness... you have to wake up. this isn't you!"  
sans ehehehe'd "no I have to find my brother"

"There's a big problem with the space time continum. Ever since the situation with Cool Cat and the jews, all of the multiverses are merging into each other" Snake explained

"that just sounds like a theory. a game theory." said sans. "whoever killed my brother is gonna get it!" snake got mad. "fuck you you're not listening. you know what fine, if it'll shut you up, that guy did it!" he pointed to a sleeping man across from them. sans got out of his seat and tapped the man on the shoulder. He woke up. "hey." said sans. "Wanna have a bad time?" he held back the tears as he powered up his ptsd thunder, fully believing this man did it. Snake tried to warn him and bring him back so he could finish his explanation, but that wasn't going to happen. The damage being done by sans caused the plane to crash. Rubble. Sans emerged from the wreckage, with a few other survivors he didn't really care about. This land seemed familiar to him.

It was a high school. Or what was left from it. Snake popped up from behind. He was brutally injured. "This is the universe where the school was taken over by Microsoft." He said. "This multiversal rift is causing some crazy shit man. I'm somehow still alive after I died in the main dimension". "ehehehehehe" Sabns chuckled nervously. This is pretty much an extisential crisis for him. What the fuck happened? How did this happen? Thoughts keep floating in Sans's mind until Snake was fed up. "You know what?" He said impatiently. "If you don't believe me, then look!" He yells as he takes off Sans's pants, revealing a lack of a penis. Then Sans remembered it all, and paniced. He was Ness.

but hey... that's just a theory. a game theory! thanks for reading 


End file.
